I got so far as the 3rd interview. But I screwed up. Big time.

I couldn't answer any of the questions. All I did was just sit and stone and accept. When I walked out the interview room, in fact even during the interview, I knew I wouldn't pass at all. =X

At first, I would rather they not call me up for the interview at all, and let my fate be decided already. But now, I think it's a good experience. I brought back many learning points from this interview.

1. One of the thing I regretted most was not having enough sleep. After sleeping at 1.30am consecutively since monday, it is no wonder that my brain stopped working during the interview. I had lessons from 9am to 4pm continuously without any break(okays, maybe 30 mins?) on wednesday. Thing is, I would wake up at 6am and reach school at around 7.15am. It's no wonder I was a zombie then.
2. The questions I hope and pray not to come out was asked in the interview.
3. Don't prepare before the interview.
4. Do work in advance, because you never know what might crop up if you do last minute work. By then, everything would be too overwhelming to handle or even complete.

You know, throughout the interview, Lavinia's words were repeating in my head. "No matter how you dress up the facts, they still remain as facts." I went to the interview and accepted everything they asked as facts. I couldn't answer their questions, at all. In fact, I expected a different set of questions to be asked. Perhaps it's not so much of sleep that I am lacking. Perhaps what I needed most before my interview was motivation. I needed to convince myself that I have what it takes to work in a startup. Now that I think about it, if I really had no chance, I would not even have gotten a 3rd interview call. They wouldn't even bother to ask me for a reference letter.

I was nervous too. For the past 2 interviews, at least I had a rough idea of what the interviewers might ask. The 3rd interview was just a surprise. I felt strangely nervous for the 3rd interview. In addtion, after the demotivation session, my confidence was at an all time low. If I had deftly answered the interviewers question, I might still stand a chance.

It's not like I could talk to anyone about it. Dearest was busy with 5 midterms this week. He is stressed enough with problems of his own. It wouldn't be fair to add my problems to his. I dare not tell anyone because I don't want my friends who applied to get stressed. But I don't think any of them would be reading this. For my other friends, please be considerate and not tell them either. =X

I just want to write to alleviate my feelings, because writing helps me feel better.
Surprisingly, the tears didn't fall out after the horrible feeling of failure. It might have, if either Sy En or Zhi Wei probe about how I am feeling in thinklab. I would have broken down in school in front of dearest had I not asked Zhi Wei to dinner. I didn't want to cry, at least not in front of anyone. Besides, I think I already cried buckets on monday after that consultation. It was just a demotivational session. But what she said is true.


I wish I could let it go. For those who have known me since Year 1, I have been talking about applying for NOC for quite sometime. This time, it's especially bitter for me since I put in effort into preparing for the interview. And my hopes were raised only to be dashed vehemently.
Thank you En Chou, for listening and encouraging me. Thank you Sy En for motivating and giving me advice about who to get reference from. Thank you Zhi Wei and Jansen for listening and giving advice to me after my interview.

And Govind, for everything, from jio-ing me to apply, to chasing me about the application to before and after support for the interview and consoling me about the last interview. =)) It really helps to know that I have friends supporting me =)
I know that in time, I would look back on this week of events and be proud that I survived it. And that I know, what to do next time.