It's only a fairytale

2011-10-22T18:59:00.002+08:00

Today I just realised the importance of having a good team.

I would rather work with my friends over strangers anytime.

It's strange how one meeting/discussion can change everything. All thanks to my phone batt almost dying and I need to use the GPS to drive back home =DD

I was this close to quitting the team of Rainmakers. What was supposed to be a fun project was treated as work which just makes it all the more tiring.

You just gotta love what you do. And most importantly, you gotta love your team members too. =)
In my 2 months here, I feel that the way silicon valley works is that people here invest in other people. Which is why y-combinator scrutinizes team member before investing in them. All in all, learning about terms like vested interest, dilution, the story of how facebook founder mark zuckerberg changed the startup world in terms of the amount of power investors hold over the startup as well as how one of the bigger Venture capitalist have and cannot invest in facebook as told in kah hong's words is really interesting.

I love hearing stories of how entrepreneurs start their own business =)) I am now more motivated than ever after the downside the past few days. =)

Maybe I should start blogging about the experiences I have learnt and share with the world =D

2011-10-08T11:51:00.002+08:00

An empty house tonight. I am giving up.

I feel like I am fighting a losing battle.

Running on adrenaline sucks.

2011-10-03T15:30:00.000+08:00

Today was way too exciting for my liking. Feels like I have been running on adrenaline the entire day and it is kinda giving me a headache. =(

Started the day off with October Feast in San Francisco. Drove one hour there. Honestly, I don't think that paying $12.50 justifies for the entrance ticket. There were any complimentary german beer/food that came with it. >=( Luckily I paid the student price for it. I would feel even more cheated if I paid like $65 for it. =( German food was expensive inside and the atmosphere wasn't there. Having been to one of Germany famous beer pub before, today's Octoberfeast can't even be compared to the general countryside atmosphere in Germany.

A waste of money.

Other than that, the rest of the day was just a rollarcoaster ride of getting stuck in the middle of the traffic because I went past the red light, having a close shave encounter with the cops because of that, nearly knocking down pedestrians in that one incident, and then followed by the numerous almost-sliding-down-the-slope-backwards because my engine died in the middle and I had to pull hand brake/my engine had no power to bring us up the slope. =( Ended the day off with a burning smell from my car! >=( Luckily and hopefully it is just me over using the clutch pedal because I was in the half clutch mode way too often. =XX

I HATE san francisco streets and slopes. How they have stop signs all over the place.

On another note, now I know how it feels like to be taking for granted and to be baby sitting. Definitely not the way I would have loved to spend my weekend. =( I did take some nice pictures though. i am so glad that "Hui (not sure how to spell)" was there today as well.

Saturday night was more fun than I thought it would have been. the people I met at the party from CMU were really friendly =) Definitely people I would love to meet up with again =)

I think my head is clearer now =)

2011-10-01T16:03:00.002+08:00

Took a jog yesterday around my neighbourhood coz I was feeling wayyyy tooo fat ><

Was in a crazy mood yesterday. Getting lost in the dark was fantastic. Found the playground with a swing and a smaller one meant for adults a few streets down. walking down the dark streets with japanese music playing in the background was great.

I think I found myself yesterday.

But somehow, I keep losing myself whenever I start working =( Always feel like a rat on wheels running like crazy.

If there was anything I learnt, opportunities are good. But problems are even better. Being in a tough situation and meeting different kinds of people enables me to learn and grow.

Think I have been giving the wrong impression. Need to work on that.

Other than that, I know I made alot of stupid mistakes lately. But what is important is to how I react to it. And that, I will deal with tomorrow.

On a brighter note, starx pitching session tomorrow! =) I hope it is good and worth my 1 hour drive there.

- I need a real bed. =( My back hurts from wearing heels 5 days a week.

2011-09-19T15:05:00.000+08:00

我好累。。。

在这里，不知谁是真谁是假。=（

Personal Development

2011-09-09T15:20:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, it's so surprising to find out the life story of someone. I never knew that the stories behind a guy at the age of 24 can be so amazing. =) Maturity. That's what comes with the expereience he has. I feel inspired already.

For now, I think I just need some time alone, to just enjoy and find out what I like and want from the NOC experience... Else, I think I will fall into depression soon. Been too ambitious recently. It's kind of my first job so I learnt quite a few things already within the past 1 and a half month. I need to learn some tai chi and take whatever I hear with a pinch of salt.

Personal development.. That's what it is like for me right now.. =) Will be rolling out the things I learn in my job in my other blog soon. =)

For this weekend, it will be a busy one. There are just so many events happening in the bay area that I have to pick and choose which ones to go. First up, I will be attending startup weekend in Mountain View. Gonna sit down and brainstorm some ideas for a business. A good oppotunity to find fellow founders as well as programmers. I need to get started! then I will be attending tech crunch disrupt in San Francisco. =) It's one of the largest event in the bay area. I think all the pitches will be pretty exciting. Pity I will be missing the tech crunch hackerton due to startup weekend.

The programmers here are world class from what I heard. =D

What do I want to do?

2011-08-27T14:13:00.000+08:00

Time flies! Seriously. It's already been a month since I have been in the US. And so far, all I have been doing is travelling. I feel like I haven't settled down yet. =(

I still need to buy a car, a chair, bolster..

My mind is all over the place.. =(

Focus Geraldine. What are you here for?

Which brings me to the question. Should I sacrifice the fishing trip (waking up at 4am tomorrow morning, pay $80 just to go out on a boat) or should I go and look for a car. I really need a car right now. Buttt... There is just so many things to do. so many events to attend. There is like a Japanese event tomorrow at san francisco as well. Not forgetting, my plans for surfing next week!

Do I want to feel like I have done nothing 5 months later? Or... should I just continue my way of life? =(

Sigh... I don't know what I want.

Chicken soup for the soul - I think I found my focus again

2011-08-19T16:42:00.002+08:00

So its been 3 and a half week since I have been in silicon valley.and I feel lost.

But,after talking to 3 people tonight,I gained alot of insights:
1. Into the working culture and people in my company
2. Learning how to be happy from the happy pig =p =)
3. Most of all,I think I cleared my mind.I need to focus and stop getting distracted.there is too much at stake here.I am gambling 1 year of my life here,extended my studies and left behind my family and friends.

Thanks govind!for giving me a lecture and knocking some sense into me.=) just watch guys,I'm not gonna waste my one year here.

And govind,you are my best friend ever!=)

A letter to myself...

2011-07-13T23:49:00.004+08:00

Dear Geraldine,

I really hate you right now. When are you gonna get back the confidence you had just a few months ago? I don't see the friendliness in you anymore. If this goes on, it wouldn't be surprising if PnP just gives you admin job over in the US. Because you haven't proven yourself at all.

Didn't you used to love networking with people? Prove it. You seem to hate networking now. Just coz of one black sheep backstabbing you and his indifference to the changes doesn't mean that everyone is like that. Don't lose trust in the rest.

You need to be thick skin to approach people. Where has that gone to?

Stop hiding in your shell hoping that someone will find you. Because no one will except for yourself.

Your Alter Ego,
Geraldine

You know, one of the times when you know you really need to get a wake up call? That's me now. I feel so much better now. I'm so gonna embrace change. =)) I want the old me back coz I used to be happier then!

2011-07-09T20:36:00.001+08:00

Okay, I hate blogger now. It refuses to save my draft and only updates post that I published! =(

Blehx. I am so gonna switch over to wordpress.

2011-07-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

I was a fool. I trusted you.

But sometimes the most unexpected event happens.

it makes me wonder what you say to your friends.

Was that what you always thought of me? Was that how it started putting holes in the bridge connecting me and you?

"Thanks though for acting like you cared and making me feel like I'm the only one." -My Happy Ending, Avril Lavigne

Back in Singapore! =D

2011-07-01T14:05:00.002+08:00

Ello peeps, I'm back from Germany =))

As for the updates, I will update probably some other time next week? =)

What have I been doing recently? Hmm..let's see, other than slacking at home and going out with friends, I've also been playing with RC (Remote Control) helicopters and cars. Toys which I didn't play when I was a kid. Nowadays, kids are real lucky. Just look at all the toys being sold at ToysRus and you will understand what I mean. =p Haha. Feels like I'm reliving my child like fantasies playing with helicopters. =D Childish? Yeah. But how's that for part of my work? =p *grins widely*

Not to mention that later, I will be starting my first day of "work" having drinks with my colleagues and a startup. =)) Cool ehh? =) I think so too. I'm pretty nervous though, that I would screw up unintentionally later and get kicked out of such a cool company. =( I am not really sure what to say later. =X I'm crossing my fingers that things will go well. =)

Other than that, I think I've been pretty lucky this year. ^^v Overall, my life seems like a long rollar coaster ride. =) Let's see, I got my first A this year in NUS (I know it's no big deal for the rest of you but it really is a big deal for me. Not to mention, it encouraged me alot! =) ). I also took a holiday in taiwan and somehow I managed to win a week trip to Germany, which I extended for a week to travel to Asutria. =) During the trip, I made lots of German friends, argued with my room mate and in the process became best friends. We took loads of photos and videos of the trip =)) Most of all, I understood myself better and forged stronger bonds with my team mates.

The highlight of my holidays? Managing to secure an internship in the US. =)

I guess that's the brief summary of my life so far. =) I hope to hear more updates from my friends before I fly off though. Feels as though I have been cut off from the world so far. Haha.

That's all folks! =D

2011-06-12T18:33:00.002+08:00

My luggage weighs 15kg now!! =(( GG... I wonder how am I supposed to bring back souvenirs..

2011-06-12T03:26:00.002+08:00

It's 3am now and I finally finished packing for my flight to Germany tomorrow.

My luggage is twice as full as compared to the time I went to Taiwan. =( This time, I will be away for 2 weeks, from 12 to 26 June as compared to the 9 days in Taiwan. Unlike a shopping "paradise" in Taiwan with lots of clothes to buy, in Europe I will be surviving on the clothes I bring there. So twice the luggage size is normal I guess. But, this means that I might not have enough luggage space for souvenirs like the famous German beer. =(((

Lavinia says that my common sense is a little screwed up, in a sense I am bringing dresses there when the temperature is around 10-18 degress??! Haha. I suppose my common sense is screwed especially after the taiwan trip...

Should I sleep now? I have been a walking haphazard before I bathed. =( Lost my right eye monthly contacts coz I was exhausted with a pounding headache and stomach cramps to handle. =(( knocked into the chair accidentally...

Hmm... But since I am up till this late, I might as well as finish my visa application to the US right? Sighh... I hope the visas will be processed in time for my flight on the 26th July to US.

The difference between an undergraduate, master and Phd student in engineering...

2011-06-11T02:01:00.000+08:00

Just 2 years of education in engineering makes a whole lot of difference.

I understood it clearly today.

Can you imagine the conversation between a master and PHD student studying engineering?

It is not that difficult actually. Just imagine eavesdropping on a conversation between 2 foreigners speaking a different language. That's how it is like this evening.

It is so frustrating not catching the ball, when the people around you are like nodding their heads in agreement. Communication is one of the toughest topics/modules in NUS. Topics which I will learn in year 3 are all being cramped in a few days worth of lectures. =X All because the competition is in a week time. But all the preparations now are worth it because we won't be touching any topics once we fly off for Europe =33

On the other hand, it is quite cool listening in on the conversation. With 2 god-like profs guiding us along... Hopefully, we will be the first team to win this time round. =D Then our photos will be on NUS website. =D Hehehe =p But then again, we are up against Germans; 16 Germans team to be exact. And they have an advantage, in a sense that the answers to the preliminary round are up for downloads, in German. =( Luckily, there is google translator around =p

On a side note, I love my shorter hair! =D It is so much faster to bathe now =DD

2011-06-10T02:31:00.003+08:00

I cut my hair.

I look into the mirror when I opened my eyes and I was shocked. I think I look uglier =(

But I look younger as well.. like a secondary school student. Haha. I think I could pass of as a freshie in Engine Camp =p

On a brighter note, I just got a confirmation email from my manager in SV. =)))

It seems that it might take some time for the work visa to be processed though =(( Hopefully, I will be able to fly with the rest of the interns to SV. Else it will be a boring flight there =(

Once again I pray that I perform up to the company's standard and not get kicked out of the program anytime soon =XX

---

For now,

Hello Germany and Austria! =)) And bye Singapore on the sunday! =DD

I can't wait to explore Germany and Austria! =D Heh. I will travel via SQ Boeing 777 flight on economy class. Awesome-max! =D I am guessing it must be rather expensive, at least 2-3k especially since it was booked last minute. But the flight would be so comfortable. ^^v I'm loving this life =D

---

Other than that, I hope my gastric will go away soon! =( It is making my life difficult with all the cramps and nauseas feeling =( I promise to try and eat during proper meal times!

Dreams are so strange...

2011-06-07T14:19:00.000+08:00

Last night, I dreamt that I got a confirmation that I was going to US. I woke up in disappointment that it was just a dream.

Today, Lavinia woke up half asleep and congratulated me, because she heard that I was going to US half asleep.

Strangely, I haven't heard from my manger over in the US, nor have I heard from the CEO of the company I am joining yet.

I gave up hope. I was prepared to say in Singapore and transfer to another college if things don't work out.

It is just impossible to find a company within a week because there is just an incredible amount of paper work to do. They have to speak to my manager over in the US, sign some contract to enter the NOC program, confirm that they are working like a startup. And before that, there might be many interviews to schedule and pass.

After talking to Dennis, he advised me to speak to Wayne first, followed by my manger in Singapore.

Guess what?

I GOT IT!

at least according to my senior in P&P. He said it's strange that I haven't been contacted yet. I sure hope that what he is saying is true.

The confirmation I have been waiting for months, the anxiety and anxiousness fretting over getting a company and preparing for the numerous interviews...I can't help but cry..tears of joy this time =)

It's funny that I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be, like jumping up and down with a grin on my face. On the contrary, I still feel anxious, as if this opportunity would slip past me again. =X

2011-06-07T02:51:00.000+08:00

It's 2.30am and I'm uber pissed off.

I think I am kinda short fused nowadays.Mum, I know that you are worried about me, but can you please not nag so much? I am stressed about the trip to Germany too. I know you are worried that we can't communicate because we can't speak German, but I am sure that there is someone out there who is able to speak english too alrights? I downloaded quite a few apps on German language on my iphone too.

It's not helping that I still don't know the flight details yet which means I might be flying off on saturday/sunday evening. So I can't blame my parents for being so worried. =X It's rather frustrating that no one answers the company number either. Are the HR people forever on holiday??!!! Btw, we just received our itinerary today for the one week in Germany. =.=

Before today, we don't even know whether our team members would be able to participate in the competition even. Luckily, the visa for my 2 of my team members can only be processed tomorrow. Effectively this means that they might only be able to make it for the last day of the competition. How are we even supposed to answer the questions when the postgraduate student isn't there at all? I don't plan to win, but I don't want to lose so badly that we can't even keep up NUS standard either. It will be such hectic rush on the last day, and we are not even considering the jet lag my friends would feel after their trip. =X

Next, for the extended trip, we still don't have a concrete plan yet. We haven't booked the train nor have we booked for the hotels. Not forgetting I haven't packed for my trip (prepare winter clothings this time) and change money into 2 different currencies. I have a feeling the trip is gonna be so screwed =XX

Oh right, and I have 8 days left to saying good bye to Silicon Valley. Unless a miracle happens.

Everyday, my heart dies a little while waiting for a reply I am supposed to have received. Thanks man.. I hate this. Yet, I continue praying.

Screw this.

It's in the genes..

2011-06-06T00:43:00.001+08:00

My youngest sister is back from her 9 days trip in Singapore.. And I love her to bits mann.. =D

If I have to name one thing I love about her, it is how she always does things to the extreme. =p

The last time she is back from US, she spent $400 USD on sports shoes, one pair for each of us and that basically concluded her shopping trip.

This time, she bought back $100 USD of Hersheys Chocolate and she added the net weight to be about 7.5 kg worth of chocolate(coz she was afraid that it will exceed her luggage limit =p lol)! Wow! =p Hahha. =p If my family finishes the chocolate within one week...I have nothing to say =p

A very blur pic of the hersheys chocolate coz it was melting soon. =p

I guess it's in the genes? The last time my second sister was back she bought back 1 kgs worth of nuggets from china, as if she is gonna sell them back here in singapore...(because I told her to specifically buy something back apparently) =p

Well, it's not like I'm one to talk since the last time I was back from Malaysia, not only did I carry bags of shopping bags (incomparable to taiwan trip though =pp), I bought back 5 boxes of tao sa pia for my family and cousins but my family finished it within a week! =p Hahah. I am amazed =p Sadly, I didn't take a picture of that though. =p For the taiwan trip, lets not start on that coz I bought loads too =p

How ironic! We shop and spend overseas like we never went shopping before but we hardly spend alot in Singapore... Guess we feel that we have to get something back.

Speaking of which, I think I will refill the fridge with chocolates when I'm back from Europe - with chocolates from maybe Prague, Switzerland, Belgium and Germany? =pp Hehe.. =p Not forgetting german beer too.. Heard that Germany is really famous for their beers.. hehe =3

2011-06-04T02:37:00.002+08:00

it recently struck me the reason for which the people used to say that the way 3 of us are called sounds beautiful. because

"Tong hua Qing"

literally means fairytale romance... =)

My sentiments exactly, except for number 7. I guess this must be written by a girl =p

6. Recognise small things. They mean the most.

I can't help but feel that this is the most important of all the 30 points. or maybe it is just me.

22. treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone.

Hmm..I don't know about you but I think that it might be difficult to achieve in reality, even though it's sweet of course. =p

29. play fight with her and let her win.

coz it really shows you love her? I think =pp Hehe. It's fun anyways, to mock fight/argue. =p

But oh well..I guess reality is never the same...

Things to pick up this holiday..

2011-06-02T14:34:00.002+08:00

- Cut my hair ( My hair is so long that it got in the way when I was tossing and turning on my bed half asleep =.=|||)
- Read up on communications, modulation techniques involved and coding for the competition

- German (Since I am going Germany =3)

- Japanese

- Photoshop and Dreamweaver

- Piano (Learn scores from music I really love =3)

- Sailing? =33

Wow...That's alot of to-do list. I wonder how many I will be able to accomplish. =p

Surprise Surprise!

2011-06-02T14:22:00.001+08:00

Things finally seem to be looking up for me! =)

Last semester till today has been one hell of a rollar coaster ride. From the first to the nerve wrecking third interview with NOC office, followed by numerous interviews with startup companies and failing every one of them (well not really but I still didn't get a job in the end), to getting 2 companies offers which turned out to be a futile attempt as they already accepted 2 interns from NOC programs itself. Can you imagine how depressed and lacking in confidence I was? Not forgetting having to juggle studies and spending loads of time trying to debug my hardware for cg2007 which turned out to be a short-circuit, burning of chips and misplacing chips position problem. =.=||| Thankfully my final product, which made up 50% of the module, worked in the end and was SCRAPPED! =( For that module, I really have to thank Kenny for helping me with debugging or I would have definitely given up. =)

Time sure flies... =)

This summer break I found myself things to do again. No internship this time as I was unsure whether I would be flying =( but with luck, my holiday has been packed once more.

After exams I flew off to Taiwan for 9 days together with IES. It was a good break from Singapore as it took my mind off NOC. On hindsight though, I think it might have been a better idea to stay in Singapore and take on a summer module (EE2001 - another hardware project =.=||| ), which is only available in special semester 1. Oh well, I needed the break anyways.

Shortly after I came back, I participated in a competition by R&S. The topic was on radio monitoring and we were given 4 questions to solve, after which we would present our answers to the judges. The experience itself was awesome! The staff were friendly and the food was good =3 Call me a pig but I think I really gained weight after that one day! =p There was breakfast, lunch, teabreak (with yummy chocolate cream puff =3) and dinner in BBQ style! =3 Throughout, we were free to visit the pantry which was stocked with drinks including hot chocolate! =D I don't mind participating again next year for the food. =p

Speaking of which, I ate so much during lunch (partly because I was very very hungry) that I felt like vomiting thereafter. =p Hahhaa. Okay, I admit I am kinda piggy =p

At the end of the competition, we won, surprisingly! ^^v This means that I would be flying to Germany with my team for one week with airfare & accommodation paid for! It is so unexpected. I am still in disbelief. It's the first time I ever won a competition and and the feeling is amazing. =)

Oh yes, and this time round, I wasn't as nervous as my results as compared to last semester. Maybe because I am looking forward to something more. But this time round, I did better than I expected for my modules. =) Modules I thought would fail turned out okay. And I did very well for cg2007. My first ever A in NUS =D I think it was thanks to doing past year papers with Kenny (my study buddy) and approaching the prof for consultation. Overall, I am rather happy with my results ^^

Now, the next highlight of my holidays is the confirmation of acceptance from a company. It's make or break. =X And I am praying it would be a make.

ごめなさい。。。

2011-05-28T20:50:00.000+08:00

I wonder if it's a lie, if it's a dream

(Uso jya nai kana yume jya nai kana)

Because I don't want to wake up

(Mezameru koto mo nai kara)

I don't regret or look back any more

(Mou kuyama nai furikaera nai)

It's the only way for me to go forward

(Mae ni susumu shika nai)

Even if I love you and miss you

(Itoshiku temo natsukashiku temo)

Even if I can never meet you again

(Nido to ae naku temo)

by last Angel - Ayumi Hamasaki

What if...things turned out differently then?

Sigh...that aside..I wonder, why is the road to US so much longer for me? =( they tell me I may need a 4th round of interview. Meaning I haven't proven myself to them yet... More work for me here... =(( I really hope I get the job. It will be a good break..

I love days like this...

2011-04-23T21:02:00.002+08:00

2 modules down and 3 more to go...

Finally freed from the two useless modules in the world.. Well..maybe not that useless. EG1413 that is.

It's been so long since I felt so relieved. I don't know why but today, I was just relived that the paper was over. It wasn't about scoring anymore. I knew I could at least pass, which was enough. I wonder why.

Or maybe it's because now I'm getting my confidence back. Hopefully, I can get a few more interviews and score a job. Otherwise, I am prepared for the worst. It would mean staying in Singapore for the next year but it wouldn't be as bad as I thought, hopefully. Of course, other than not having a vacation job this summer, I don't know what could be worse.

But I prefer to take things one step at a time. =)

It also just means that I will get to see my friends from NS around in NUS if I stay in Singapore.
2 years ago, they were all whining about armies. Now they are working while waiting to enroll into a university.
When exams end, my life as a year 2 student/sophomore would end.
Time flies.

but I'm looking forward to the holidays =D

2011-04-23T20:56:00.001+08:00

17 April

Been on a rollar coaster ride recently. I can't concentrate. My mind been revolving around the worst case senario. Seriously speaking, I highly doubt any companies would be willing to hire me. I am just not good enough.

After asking around from the people who got through the interview for their resume, I finally understand why they got the job. Why they got in. Their resume are impressive. Not the format but the experience they have. They totally beat me hands down. Way out of my league.

I have no idea how I got in the first place. I am starting to think that it is pure fluke that I got in. Like seriously. If I saw their resumes from the start, I wouldn't have wanted a technical job anymore. Because I know, for sure I wouldn't get it.

For now, I pray.

*This post was only posted now because blogger was down during the period I really needed to write. GAHHH... Maybe I should really switch to wordpress soon. It seems that blogger hates mozilla and only works on google chrome. =( *

2011-04-10T10:14:00.000+08:00

It is just so sad. When you missed a lecture and no one is nice enough to update you on what he covered. Especially the fact that that was the last lecture so there is no lectuer next week. Oh boy. What was I expecting?

Just coz I would do the same for others doesn't mean that they would do the same for me.

My circuit works! =DD

2011-03-25T11:24:00.001+08:00

YESHHH!!! My circuit finally works =) After re-wiring my entire circuit board last night, it is finally working properly. And just in time for my demostration too =) Finally =)) Before that, my circuit keeps shorting and I burnt my microchips =( SHITT.

For the next part of the major project in making an interrupt button, I am seriously considering buying a multimeter, power supply and solder depump. Those 3 are the must have tools man.. If I had the multimeter and power supply earlier, I would have an easier time debugging. Plus, the amount of time spent on debugging would be lesser.

I'm really thankful to the people who helped me out. Especially Kenny for helping me debug my code, Peng Rend for giving me a brief run through of the entire code before demostration, Mervyn for lending me his multimeter, Govind for always being there =D

My circuit

I'm soooo glad that I used a decoder. The coding was much simpler thanks to the decoder =) See those resistors over there? It can actually be reduced from 14 to 2 resistors =p

The wiring that was sooo troublesome. But it works =)

The dates it is supposed to display:

After 1 second of delay, the month will appear.

And finally, the year =)

The tools I used:

And that's all for today.

Hmm...I wonder, should I work for a company dealing with hardware? Frankly speaking, I don't have much confidence in my hardware skills =( Not at all. I think I will die there if I ever get accepted into the company.

But it seems interesting. The new markets I will learn, how the company actually deals with such high tech stuff...

I hope, that more software companies will approach me though...

2011-03-22T23:40:00.000+08:00

Sleep deprived. =(

This is one of the few moments I feel like giving up. Somehow, I feel a sense of impending doom. Like for my circuit it is never gonna work, like for the interviews I haven't gotten when a few of my friends received emails for interviews, like for eg1413 where I think murphy law will strike during oral defense.

I feel like giving up, even though I have gotten so far. Sighh...I need a spark of optimism, from somone, anyone.

That said, I am weeks behind schedule.

I'm afraid, I might screw up this semester real badly...

2011-03-20T02:56:00.000+08:00

"Fairytale"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy1s2mSGEnI

Cinderella's on her bedroom floor
She's got a
Crush on the guy at the liquor store
Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore
And she forgets why she came here
Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood
For shame she says
None for you dear prince, I'm tired today
I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming

[Chorus:]
'cause I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried about the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing

Snow White is doing dishes again cause
What else can you do
With seven itty-bitty men?
Sends them to bed and calls up a friend
Says will you meet me at midnight?
The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says
Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair
I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

[Chorus]

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom
Man made up a story said that I should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But I don't want the next best thing
So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love

[Chorus]

I don't care
I don't care
Worry bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting spent the whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience and a dumb
Appreciation
But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending
Cause I don't want the next best thing
No no I don't want the next best thing

--------------------------------

The song's been on a loop this entire week. It's kinda driving me crazy...Hahax.. But I guess, it gives me courage too =)

2011-03-16T19:46:00.002+08:00

=)))

Loads of smiles this time. =) One, this week is nearly over. And two, looking back, I'm feel really lucky for getting an opportunity like that. =)

Last hurdle to jump over. =)) I can't wait! =D

------

Another late night alone again... *1.26am*

2011-03-12T15:30:00.000+08:00

The next few weeks is gonna get crazy. =((

For him, it's a matter of being supportive. For me, it's a matter of being understanding. I wonder.. which will prevail in the end.. =(

I wish I could have the best of both worlds.

2011-03-07T22:01:00.000+08:00

I got a call from them again.

This time, I'm making a gamble. Let me just get it over and done with.

And it seems like history is repeating itself again...=( Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.

And I got so far...

2011-03-04T00:19:00.005+08:00

I got so far as the 3rd interview. But I screwed up. Big time.

I couldn't answer any of the questions. All I did was just sit and stone and accept. When I walked out the interview room, in fact even during the interview, I knew I wouldn't pass at all. =X

At first, I would rather they not call me up for the interview at all, and let my fate be decided already. But now, I think it's a good experience. I brought back many learning points from this interview.

1. One of the thing I regretted most was not having enough sleep. After sleeping at 1.30am consecutively since monday, it is no wonder that my brain stopped working during the interview. I had lessons from 9am to 4pm continuously without any break(okays, maybe 30 mins?) on wednesday. Thing is, I would wake up at 6am and reach school at around 7.15am. It's no wonder I was a zombie then.
2. The questions I hope and pray not to come out was asked in the interview.
3. Don't prepare before the interview.
4. Do work in advance, because you never know what might crop up if you do last minute work. By then, everything would be too overwhelming to handle or even complete.

You know, throughout the interview, Lavinia's words were repeating in my head. "No matter how you dress up the facts, they still remain as facts." I went to the interview and accepted everything they asked as facts. I couldn't answer their questions, at all. In fact, I expected a different set of questions to be asked. Perhaps it's not so much of sleep that I am lacking. Perhaps what I needed most before my interview was motivation. I needed to convince myself that I have what it takes to work in a startup. Now that I think about it, if I really had no chance, I would not even have gotten a 3rd interview call. They wouldn't even bother to ask me for a reference letter.

I was nervous too. For the past 2 interviews, at least I had a rough idea of what the interviewers might ask. The 3rd interview was just a surprise. I felt strangely nervous for the 3rd interview. In addtion, after the demotivation session, my confidence was at an all time low. If I had deftly answered the interviewers question, I might still stand a chance.

It's not like I could talk to anyone about it. Dearest was busy with 5 midterms this week. He is stressed enough with problems of his own. It wouldn't be fair to add my problems to his. I dare not tell anyone because I don't want my friends who applied to get stressed. But I don't think any of them would be reading this. For my other friends, please be considerate and not tell them either. =X

I just want to write to alleviate my feelings, because writing helps me feel better.

-----

Surprisingly, the tears didn't fall out after the horrible feeling of failure. It might have, if either Sy En or Zhi Wei probe about how I am feeling in thinklab. I would have broken down in school in front of dearest had I not asked Zhi Wei to dinner. I didn't want to cry, at least not in front of anyone. Besides, I think I already cried buckets on monday after that consultation. It was just a demotivational session. But what she said is true.

This is just a bad week.

I wish I could let it go. For those who have known me since Year 1, I have been talking about applying for NOC for quite sometime. This time, it's especially bitter for me since I put in effort into preparing for the interview. And my hopes were raised only to be dashed vehemently.

-----

Thank you En Chou, for listening and encouraging me. Thank you Sy En for motivating and giving me advice about who to get reference from. Thank you Zhi Wei and Jansen for listening and giving advice to me after my interview.

And Govind, for everything, from jio-ing me to apply, to chasing me about the application to before and after support for the interview and consoling me about the last interview. =)) It really helps to know that I have friends supporting me =)

-----

I know that in time, I would look back on this week of events and be proud that I survived it. And that I know, what to do next time.

2011-02-27T00:38:00.002+08:00

Been undergoing a series of emotions tonight. From the heart dropping "Shit-I-havent-done-any-work-and-it's-saturday" thanks to Govind to the really depressed and morbid feeling to the "i-feel-like-I-intruded-your-privacy" kind of thing.

Anyhow, I really enjoy reading your blog. Because you are so honest, about your feelings, about your relationship and basically everything that goes on in your life. Your relatively recent entry was thought provoking. I began thinking what would happen if... it happens to me? I wasn't really able to understand your feelings at that point in time and truthfully I don't want to. It's because it's too scary. I don't even want to think about it. I want the fairytale of mine now to last. And because I have been taking things for granted that it would always remain this way, I never realise how fleeting life was till I read your entry. Something was stuck in my throat. =X While things might seem tough now, hang on. Coz things will get better. =)

In contrast, I think I am on the opposite spectrum. Because one, I don't express myself well, in words at least and two, I would write for the sake of the eyeballs looking at my blog. And think about their reaction to my entry. Then when I finally decide to post for the public eyes to see, I start editing everything or just save the entry as a draft.

I should really start learning from you and be more honest about my feelings, and opinions.

----

On a completely random note, I think it is wonderful to have friends you can really open your heart to. =) Like your worries and fears. =)) While I might not been showing my appreciation to you, thank you (You know who you are). =) On a side note, I think it's really difficult for me to open up to guys. HAHA. =p I just think that they won't understand my troubles or they will probably think that I am too paranoid on certain stuff. =p But there are people that I am slowly opening up to though =) Thank you dearest for being one of my bestest friend =)

2011-01-11T01:48:00.002+08:00

Saw this online =) Thought I would share...

"But I can only write this song
And tell you that I’m not that strong
Cos I’m no superman, I hope you like me as I am
" (:

"And sometimes when I can't see,
I hope you will be there to show me another perspective" =))

2011-01-05T01:53:00.008+08:00

If you were given a choice to get a piano or a dslr, which one would you get?

Actually, I gave up on piano a while ago because I felt that it is pointless to continue on playing when you have no talent. At all. I really envy those who can play a song when they have listened to it once. In my eyes, they are really talented if they can play a song without any score.

Today, I learnt that there is a magical set of keys that songs usually follow - chords. I am probably just exaggerating but you can't blame me, since I never had any formal education in piano. All along, I could only play a song if I had the musical score, after practicing numerous times of course. I thought it was enough being able to play a select few songs, until the day I went to Shaun's house.

The performance between Shaun and Dear was awesome! They were in a world of their own, one playing the piano, the other singing along. They were having so much fun together. =) Seriously, if Shaun was a girl, I would be extremely jealous. =p It was then that I thought to myself, if only if I could play.

Despite neglecting the piano for several years, I could never give up on it. There is always this magical attraction I held for the shiny black instrument, with black and white keys laid side by side. Whenever I see a piano, I am charmed to lay my fingers on the board. I love performances too. =) Fingers dancing across the keyboard are so amusing to watch. This love and yearning to play beautifully on the piano springs out magically out of nowhere if I see a piano, not the electronic keyboard mind you. It doesn't have an ounce of attraction a real piano does.

Anyways, I was so eager to play the chords I learnt from Sing Huey today till I realized that the electronic piano I had broke down. =( Sadly. My dad said he doesn't mind getting me a new one, but is it worth the money? It cost at least 3k for a decent one.

which is almost the amount of money it cost a dslr, either a nikon or canon. Pick one.

I love the way those photos taken by professional camera are so clear. Even in low lighting. As long as you set your aperture right, you can take clear shots at night, WITHOUT flash. Flash spoils the photo making it over exposed sometimes.=(

FYI, the idea of a DSLR struck me because it costs around 3-4k too. I am really fussy with details, so I dislike badly taken blurred photos. Photos are like hardcopy memories that you keep in your mind. So it is crucial that it is fast enough to capture the essence of a moment. With a faster shutter speed and higher aperture, photographers have more control over the environment of the subject. No blurring because the camera is fast enough to capture the motion. No flash needed when photographs are taken at night. Rare moments can be caught on camera and stored as photographs. =)

Then again, I don't want to get a DSLR and use it as a regular camera. I should play with my cousin DSLR more often =p to decide if I really want one. I don't think I am that passionate about photography that I would actively read up more about how to use a DSLR. A DSLR does sound tempting but... Am I willing to give up something I wanted for years?

Or maybe it could be the 8 year old me speaking right now. the me who wanted the black piano with 3 pedals. the me whose side reading and playing hasn't improved since then.

Before I forget, Happy New Year! =)

I don't believe in setting new year resolutions because I don't like being bound by a to do list. =p I believe that as long as I have enough passion, motivation will automatically come. =) As such, I like surprises =D Happy 2011 everyone! It is finally time I start to live life as a student actively =DD

2010-12-01T01:00:00.000+08:00

Hello hello~! =DD Welcome back life =D I am back from the world of mugging.

I can't believe I survived 5 modules in a week. I don't think I did exceptionally well for any of my papers and there were a few papers(Yeah I have 5 modules, so a few papers = alot? =( ) I think I probably screwed up. Big time. But who cares? It's over. I can't do anything about it anyways =p

If you were wondering, my exams ended on saturday. ^^v It was a movie date on harry potter with dearest after that. =) Can we dance together again, like on the date we had on saturday? =p

Sadly, dearest still has exams going on =( And I have been bored to death waiting for his exams to be over. =p Hahah. It's the ungodly time of the year where exams takes top priority and he will be super busy mugging. booohooo... Can't wait for friday, when all your exams are over =D

For the past few days, I have been sleeping at least 10 hours a day, frantically trying to pay all my sleep debt. Sadly, I think sleeping too much causes headache. Oh yes, did I mention the buffet I had for dinner yesterday? =p I think I am getting fat =p

Btw, I read finish all my manga, even the new manga I started.

How? =(

I started on a new drama titled, "You are beautiful". Rawr! I so hate the way things are progressing. Why do the not-so-nice-guys always steal the limelight from the nice guys? Shin Woo was so sweet. =) unlike the other meanie. And because of that I am not gonna continue watching the drama. yuck. =(

I seriously hope that I find my motivation to do what I want to soon, because, time is running out...But thanks to the drama, I think I will be too bored to do nothing =p

Phone Menu at the Mental Health Institute

2010-11-20T18:26:00.002+08:00

A follow up to my previous post, which do you think I should press? =(

"Hello, and thank you for calling the Mental Health Institute

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly

If you have multiple personalities, press 2, 3 and 4.

If you suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, press 5 but do it v-e-r-y- s-l-o-w-l-y and carefully.

If you are dyslexic, press 6. Now press 9. Now press 6. Now press 9. Now press 6.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have short term memory loss, press 8.

If you have schizophrenia, listen very carefully and a small voice will tell you the number to press.

If you have a nervous disorder, fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press a number for you.

If you are depressed, don't bother to press any numbers. No one will be able to help you anyway.

If you are paranoid, you don't need to press anything. We know who you are, we know what you want, and we know how to reach you.

If you suffer from low self-esteem, please hang up because all our operators are too busy to talk to you."

Insanity

2010-11-20T18:25:00.001+08:00

During this time of the semester, I would always be questioning myself, "Why the heck am I in EE??!"

For the past week, I have been busy trying to catch up with all my modules, because I haven't been consistent in my studies. And yet, time is NOT ENOUGH!!!!

Congrats EE2011. They say that women are complicated, but EE2011, I think you are more complicated than any other women. All the disgusting integration and maths involved. Rawr!!! I just don't understand you. Must all the PC1431 and 1432 come back to haunt me now? So digusting, the first part of the module that is. And the answers for EE2011, aren't even that trustworthy.

Next semester would be worse because I will be taking modules group A people are taking. My friends from Group A have it worst than me. They seem to be taking modules much more complicated than the current one I am taking now. Rawr, I dislike being in a love-hate relationship with Electrical Engineering. You complicate my life. >=(

So it is the time of the year to pray to the bell curve gods again. Pray that the bell curve would work in my favour? But tell me, where do I pray at? Outside the dean's office?

Then again, my name is neither long nor short. So I guess my grades would probably be an offering to the bell curve god instead. Next time, if I ever have a child, I might consider giving my child a name that is super long or super short. When my child grows up, he/she can own everyone.

Oh, did I forget to mention that all my exam, 5 modules in fact, falls next week? Is that foam you see coming out of my mouth?

Check the newspaper to find out. Maybe you will see me in the headlines next morning, dead.

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, And Nobody

2010-11-16T20:19:00.003+08:00

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Funny how that's the way it works in our society today. =p

=)

2010-11-13T20:56:00.003+08:00

Feeling awesomely happy after a short meet up with dearest just to talk. =) Made my day when he offered to come out just to meet me because just smsing wouldn't be enough =) Thank you dear, for patiently trying to cajole me into talking even though it was so difficult to put what I was feeling yesterday into words. I was just feeling so upset about the turn of events, because, the other party was one of my besties. And I didn't know how to handle it. So thank you, for holding my hands and lending me your shoulder when I needed you by my side. =) You just made my night.

there is a huge difference between mugging when you are happy and when you are depressed. I see that right now =)

And yan, thank you, for being such an awesome friend =)) and hui li, for listening to my rants on the phone. =DD talking to you always made me feel better =DD

2010-10-30T21:27:00.001+08:00

Just when I finally finished EE2006 circuit...I thought I would have time to go shopping. But it looks like I horribly underestimated the backlog of work I have to clear. Again.

Why why? =XX

For the past week, I mindlessly wired up my circuit, rewired it again, short circuited the circuit and rewired again. =XX On hindsight, I should have better plans. Maybe then, I would spend less time wirinng. But you see, time was a luxury I could not afford then.

And because I spent all my time dating the circuit, when it comes to lecture for the past week, I couldn't pay attention at all =(( which again adds on to my backlog of to do list. =X Speaking of dating, the circuit repayed me back by giving me a short circuit!

Maybe, it is not such a good idea to take EE2006 this semester after all. Because, it seems that I am competing with all the scholars, teongs and zai people. For those taking EE2006, do you notice that the bar graph for full marks, 10/10 is always the highest? It seems that is the average now =XX Foreign talent indeed.

Yet, I am kind of screwed if I take EE2006 next semester, or if I delay taking EE2007 by one semester. Because, this would mean that I would have to take EE2007 and EE2001 together in the same semester, which is killer. 2 project modules. After taking EE2006, I am determined o take EE2001 during special semester. Sighh... and next week, I have a lab test coming up. 15% of my module. =XX

4 MCs for EE2006 is not worth it.

When my busy week just eneded, dear's busy week just started. =XX Not like I can really complain coz I kind of gave all my attention to the circuit. =p Hahaha.. So I know what you are going through now. Jia you dear... =) But but, don't always think of work kays? You can think of me some time like when you are taking a break etc. =p If only both of our busy weeks fall within the same week.. I guess we can only spend some quality time together during the decemeber holidays? =D Looking forward to december holidays =DD

I wanna go overseas... =S

2010-10-16T23:26:00.001+08:00

Sigh... with everyone talking about going overseas, I feel like I am the only one left behind.

SEP, Exchange, I need my cap up before I can apply.. zzzz...

I hope next sem, I don't chicken out applying for NOC. As much as the high probability I might not get in, I hope I still will apply.

Because not applying = 0% chance of getting in.
At least applying = < 0% of getting in...

*Needs some motivation... *

Sleepless Night

2010-10-13T21:36:00.001+08:00

Last night, my skin condition took a turn for the worse. Rashes started appearing nearing my thighs and they made me feel really uncomfortable. It was then that I regretted not seeing the specialist on mon.

Twice. Bad experience with nurses from Mount Alvernia Hospital nurses. I can't help but believe that all nurses there are arrogant and rude. I know I am partially in the wrong too. But they could have told me the approximate waiting hours. I waited an hour and I still didn't see the specialist. Frustrated, I left.

How can the waiting hours for specialist be almost equal to private ones? For one, it could be that the doctor I was waiting for does things at a snail spped. You can't believe how unimaginably slow he is. 10-15 mins minimum per patient. Gosh...

To make things worse, the nurses were unimaginably rude and unfriendly. What happened to the industry service standards there? I now understand why people perfer hiring teenagers/younger staff. Because when you get older, the seniority pride goes to your head. And you believe that you have a right to be rude because you are old.

Anyways, I don't believe I can't find another specialist in skin care. I am never going to that hospital if I can help it next time.

But at the end of today, I realised that letting go of anger is the best. Because you wouldn't feel constricted in your breaths and heavy with thoughts of revenge. Letting go and finding peace in that makes your chest so much lighter =)

On the way home, thinking about the day's event brought a smile to my face. I always have fun during, before and in between lectures time. =DD The awesome company with the never ending series of jokes and banters =DD Planning for Yan's birthday was fun too. =D Hahhaa.

Happy memories.. and many more.. =)

Things do get better =D

I think tonight, I will have a good rest. ^^v

*Edit: I made checking my results after the post of this entry because I don't want it to affect my mood. I passed. ^^v You have no idea how much this means to me =) A huge motivation to study and encouragement. =) Now, it's time to focus on ee2006, a subject I haven't been doing well in tests. =S

Most fun lab ever xD

2010-10-05T22:23:00.003+08:00

Heheee.... As the title said, today was the most fun lab I ever had xD I think we were the noisiest group there. Hahahah. I can't remember what exactly we were talking about. All I know was that we had loads to talk about and joke around. =D The lab wasn't that intensive too.

And that's why it is a good idea to schedule the same lab timing together =D

It helps to have a lab partner who is fast and rushes his and my simulation at the same time. =) (because he wanted to see erhem erhem asap =p Hahhaa. Guess he is missing her toooo muchh =pp)

Hehhee... I am enjoying school so much with such awesome company. =DD

Some snippets from my life =):


Our dear artist, Jay drawing of my name =D Not bad right? =D

Yesh, the Einstein Relation. Look like Einstein right? =p

Drew by Yan/chong? =D

Phoebe's present for me =D Look phoebe, Hippo can hold a pen! =D

Mushroom found outside Lt7... Didn't know that mushrooms can grow there =p

A close up shot of the mushroom =DD

Not forgetting all the "stealing the slippers" during lecture game =p I should really take a picture of the 3 masketeers legs + slippers someday =p

PS. I didn't upload the "Liu de hua" generation hairstlye. =pp Or the guys might kill me. =p Oppx.

I guess we are one crazy group ^^

To little kang:
Thanks for being there for me and helping me write my cheat sheet. =DD Your handwriting is so much nicer than mine XD Hahaha. I help you to massage in return next time kays? =p And yeshh, the previous entry was because I was sooo proud of the way I put my thoughts across that I can't help but wanna share it with the world. =p I know you are always here for me... =DD Thanks dearrr for pampering me =DDD

boyfriendless

2010-09-26T23:52:00.004+08:00

i dislike exams and midterm.

because when exams come, studies will become my boyfriend's new mistress and he ~~has no time for me at all because all his time is spent on his mistress.~~ disappears into his own world for nearly the entire day. =(

And I become boyfriendless for the exam week.

It's not like I am so free either. Horrible month in Oct. Lots of labs and midterms.

*pouts* =S

Guess I will just have to wait for the holidays =D

Btw, Sy En, you should have stressed me earlier! Hahah. I didn't realised that there is so much to learn for ee2006 project =(

Piped Piper

2010-09-19T22:02:00.003+08:00

Bored~

I know, mid terms are coming up. And I have hours of webcast to do and tutorials to start on since the 2nd week. I know. But... everytime the workload piles up, I feel a sense of escapism. I wanna sleep, read manhwa, anything but webcasting.

I have been webcasting since yesterday till my ears hurt from plugging in headphones.Dont wanna webcast anymore. But I still have around 3 webcast for ee2005, 5 more for ee2011 and catching up from lecture day 1 for ee2004.

So you might ask me, what have I been doing until now? Probably bumming around, getting tired -> sleeping in lecture -> more to catch up -> lack of sleep -> skipping lectures. Yes! I have reached the skipping lectures part. =((

Regardless, that is not my main point of this entry. I am bored and kinda lonely. little kang is busy chionging his tutorial and studies. My sisters are studying. Didn't want to disturb them. Don't know who to talk to on msn. Feels as though I am the loneliest person on earth. =(

And so I entertained myself with manhwa this afternoon. that threw me into a mourning mood for my favourite character, shin bi-oh. =(( I didn't like how the story turned out. It seemed as though the author wanted to punish the main character, Hye-Min for her selfishness. And the author played god by killing off shin bi =((( It was a crappy way of dying though. Mann... I so wanted him to live. If he had lived, So-ryu would probably pulled him out of the darkness and ended up with Shin bi.

One of my favourite romance story so far. The author loved bringing fairytale into the story. ANd shhe is so determined not to have a happy ending and killed off Shin-bi! =( As for the characters, they were all sly, in their own way. As Lavinia said, they were all waiting for their plans to come to fruition. A dark story in essence. Another manhwa that had a huge impact on me. The storyline kind of followed Hot Blooded Women, where things took a surprising turn. Seems like in korean manhwa, the female characters are always treated like possession, like dolls. And the males are usually possessive, very in fact. At least that is the case in Cynnical Orange and Hot blooded Women. Somehow, the male characters from Manhwa attracts me more than males from manga... Hmm... But of course, that is not my taste in reality. =pp Just got me thinking about lots of things.

Anyways, that is how I spent the weekend. Hopefully, it will be more productive and fun tomorrow =D

2010-09-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

it's
just the timetable...
just the resulting fatigue...
just the oustanding work not done...
just the many concepts not understood coz I slept through lectures...
just the horrible mood swings today...

just me..

buried.

If my energy level is like that of a battery, then my recharging rate is that of a slow charger.

and tomorrow's gonna be a long day... =(

Realised everyone's tired. Dear, Jay, Fendy, Shao Ming.... Looks like things are picking up speed.

PS. Sorry dear, I kind of vented my frustrations on you today. =X Forgive me? =)

School so far...

2010-09-05T00:08:00.012+08:00

It's been sometime sine I last posted an entry ehh? =p

A little updates about me. I have been lagging behind work lately =(( All thanks to my 8.30am, 10am, 8am, 8am, 9am lectures every morning! This means school everyday. And only 2 of the lectures got webcast. =( In case you don't know, if the lectures are held early, I have to wake up early at 6am. It's been really tiring. =(

Maybe it's coz of my fatigue, I have been falling asleep in lectures recently. Didn't want to drink coffee coz I will hyperventilate, though it works wonders on me. So this means double work. This explains why I have been rather busy?

That aside, I enjoy coming to school alot now =DDDD Maybe that's why I don't like webcasting? Hahaha... Hanging out with Jay, Shao Ming, Fendy, Sailesh is really fun. All the jokes and laugher... Occassionally, Xing Quan and Jin Yuan join us too.. Hahahhax =D

Hmm.. As for today, I celebrated Mummy's birthday at Orchard Hotel. Don't like the spread of food. =X The only redeeming food was durian Pengat and chocolate moouse (My fav!) =DD There was crab but There wasn't much meat. I definetely wouldn't recommend people going there. Dessert was alright. Mariot is still much better. The prawns didn't seem drunken for drunken prawns. Overall, it has been a memorable day nevertheless. All the camwhoring even though most of the photos got deleted coz lavi thinks that she doesn't look fantastic in it. =p

And, I have been really fascinated with the world of coding. Maybe it's because of all the drive of people that inspired my deep fasination to create something? =) But I don't think I have the time.

I really wanna join a cca. As always, the question to ask is, do I have the time? What are my priorities right now?

2010-08-14T01:01:00.002+08:00

Just had an awesome time tonight. =)

Surprises are not always bad. We initially wanted to watch drama together in the library. It just so happened that there was a musical scheduled today. =)

Both of us enjoyed musical much more. =) I love watching the facial expression on the singer's face when they are singing the musical. Feels so much like a play too. The ambience felt like that in a concert hall, especially since it was performed in a library. The singers and pianist were especially good too. I hope we will be able to catch the next concert. Gotta remember to bring the camera to record next time. =p

Coincidentally, we met Jay and his girlfriend in the library. Had a great time teasing both of them. =p And, I met Xing Quan while I was making my way back to the bus. Hahhaa. Such a coincidence =p Jay and Xing Quan met coincidentally before that. =p

I have always toyed with the idea of a double date. Perhaps, next time, we could go for triple dates or even 5 (what do you call that in english again? =p) people dates? =p Do the maths yourself, and I am sure you know who I am referring to. That would be interesting. ^^ Just a muse... =D

PS. Since we enjoyed ourselves sooo much today, try singing a musical (english song kay? =p Coz I eat potato de. =p Must be a cheerful tune too. Jazz maybe? =p) next time please dear? =p Hehe.. with all the expressions too =) I will be your first audience? =p

Passion!

2010-08-13T01:07:00.010+08:00

Today marks the last day of the first week of school reopening. =) Seeing the familar faces in lectures, while having lunch or walking to lecture in school is really refreshing. =D

Seeing as how I haven't updated my blog for a long time, just a warning: This will be a long entry.

3 months is a long break.

More than enough time to set out to accomplish what you want to do.

It's always interesting to hear what others did during the semester break, be it travelling, resting or internship.

And I heard many interesting and inspiring stories today from TC. =) Internship overseas sure seem enriching. Sure it is rigorous, but it brings alot of learning experience with it as well. Especially when you are interning in Shanghai and Beijing. Getting used to the business culture and customs would be a problem at first. But at the end of it, you would find the experience fulfilling in getting to know other's custom. Imagine translating what you find in official sources (in chinese of course!) and translating them. Dictionary would be your best friend. Imagine sitting in a meeting with the chance to see how companies interact. You would have to learn how to ask intelligent questions, so as not to give the impression that you are inexperienced (when you really are) and green.

There are alot more stories of course which I would not elaborate in this entry. I would say, catching up over lunch is always intersting =) At the end of the lunch, which lasted for nearly 2 hours, I could see that TC is burning with passion, with the determination to complete what he set out to do, and the fulfilling experience that comes with it.

I'm looking forward to SM's experience in WTO next. =)

Which led me wondering what I accomplished this holidays. Sadly, I think I had more fun than work this holiday.

Interest always comes first, but it is the passion and love for the things that you are doing that would carry you through the end. Determination determines whether the person is successful.

~Geraldine Tay =p

He suggested that I ask for a performance review, which I dare not ask. Because, one thing is for sure, I didn't put in enough work into shrimp. I am sure my partner will agree. Both of us were disillusioned with what we could have done during the holidays, or at least I was instead of concentrating on the work at hand. I dare not to even ask for a testimonial. =(

But, seeing his determination to push things through, I am thinking of going back during the december holidays with my new found knowledge learnt this semester. Especially since I was recommended to TB by TC. Hahaha.What do you think partner? =p

Of course, this is just a mere plan. Plans are always subject to adjustment. After all, I have other plans to accomplish too. I am still weighing the benefits and disadvantages of each project I am planning to do.

Speaking of plans,I started planning my modules till final year. It seems quite impossible to accomplish my major and fulfil the requirements of my minor in the allocated time. =( I think, I will probably need to overload in the next few semester. See my cap first. I have to concentrate on pulling up my cap this semester, or I would have to stick with the lousiest plan.

Enough of studies. I think it is always good to talk out misunderstandings instead of avoiding talking to the person or avoiding the topic. It does wonders to your friendship. =) Avoiding the topic will just put a wall between friends. The proof was shown to me yesterday. Over lunch, TC and I cleared up misunderstandings built up over the holidays. =) Email is never a good form of communication. I am glad we talked things out. At least now, both of us know what we need to work on.

Sadly, sometimes we don't work things out. Nevertheless, life is a constant learning process, and I do hope we learn. Hahax.. =)

I wanted to post snippets of my life during the holidays, but I guess that would have to wait till the next time. For those who are interested, check out my facebook photos =) There are too many to put in a single entry. Lots of memories =D

PS. I love lunches =) Date me out. ^^

Thanks dear, for coming all the way to school just to accompany me today. =) For intending to come just to help me attend NOC talk because I couldn't make it. For always being so charming and understanding. =) the weeks ahead will be tight, but I will be by your side. So jia you =D

Home Sweet Home

2010-08-03T14:48:00.003+08:00

I'm glad I am home. The familar voices of my parents and my siblings, the warm dinner that I knew mummy was going to make last night, the warmth of my bed and most of all, peace with myself.

At every new chapter of life, at some point or the other, I would always experience this uneasy feeling, discomfort at what is happening around me. It still surprises me even till now, how friends could suddenly become strangers. I wonder if it is just growing up or it is a normal part of my life.

What I learnt this time at the end of it is that we always assume many things. Just like what prof John stresses through hard experiences on the students through failure during SED. We always assume, and what we don't get, we are disappointed.

I am disappointed right now, though I saw this coming a little late.

What helps was the familar faces of frehies whom I have somehow gotten closer to since I have introduced dear to them. With him by myside, I feel more comfortable with my surroundings. =) I wonder if I could squeeze some time out during Oweek, to join their group. Though I highly doubt so. =X

There are things I want to express but I know it won't change a single thing. It won't help that I will probably be more withdrawn in the next few days.

In a few more days, I won't have the time to think of such demoralising thoughts. First thing first, I have to get my modules settled first.

2010-07-04T01:57:00.000+08:00

Heh, have been really busy lately =)

working during the weekdays and sometimes during the weekends for my parents... =D

Yet, I want 10 hours of sleep =p How to manage my time? =p

Haven't been feeling really sociable lately. Is this what you call depression? Or pessimism? I wonder...

That was last week's post... Just uploaded all the photos today =p

2010-06-22T00:13:00.003+08:00

Boo-hoo. Dear flew to Macau today. And he will be overseas till next friday! =( That's long. I'm so gonna miss him.

but but... Luckily, the 4 days camp next week will make time pass faster. =3 Yays. At least camps fill up the time in between. And yes, I got my fair share of sleep. My insomia is gone now and I stayed at home the whole day today.. =3 such a wonderful way to spend time. ^^

Ahaha...I guess you could say I become very very grumpy when I am deprived of either food or sleep, or worse, both. Anyways, the job offer is finally confirmed, but I still don't feel like I have a job. It pretty much feel that I am on my own and that there is no satisfaction from my job. =X Pretty much because I haven't started anything yet... but... I will clear the workload this weekend. =)

I finally finished the write up that I was procrastinating. Now all that's left would be to check for any gramatical errors and they are due for sending =)

I have been fascinated by the game reversi, or othello since I played 2 games with ZW. =p Hahaha... What got me really interested was the step by step thinking process that he shared with me and how, he managed to force me to make unwise decisions. Learnt alot about the tactics of the game. Even though ZW was there to guide me, but I'm really stubborn. I stubbornly tried enclosing his seeds to win, much like how Wei Qi is played if I am not wrong. But but, the aims of both games are totally different. Lost 2 games badly, but I took alot of knowledge home with me. Hahah. I'm quite lazy to think of at least 3 steps ahead, so I guess I am quite a bad partner to play with. Sorry! But next time, let's have another match =p

And... as for my June holidays... I shall let my pictures speak for themself =D

All girls outing =)

Dear Cherish who was the earliest... =p

And I'm not the latest for once. =p I was on time... =p=p

Lunch at NYDC =)

Look at Cherish face... =p Gabriel will kill me before I kill Cherish first.. Her prince charming =p

After that, at Jeremy's house...
Camwhoring has always been enjoyable... =p

See our smug smile? Both of us are learning to pose for an advertisement.

The nearly "headless man" - Quan Heng... With Jonathan, our dear tarrot card reader. =)

Our dear tarrot card reader. With Qh head more visible(Not see through) now... XDD

Qh & Jeremy losing their balance. Cannot defy gravity. =p

Look at Qh's weird pose! Everyone is trying to fit into this frame. =D Ehh... Is Jeremy's head in the air? =p

I like this shot. It's a nice picture. For once, Quan Heng's face is not blocked.

Well, there are alot of other shots. I think I feel a little hardworking enough. So I will send to your email? =p As for Hui Li and Jonathan, go and activate your facebook account. then I can tag you. =p

There are other outings too...But I am kind of lazy to put the pictures here... So yeahh.. =p=p

Frozen in time...

2010-06-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

The general feeling where currently, everything freezes and you know, that when the sands of time starts flowing again, it won't stop until later. And you have a backlog of to-do list to start with and yet, it's going to be July and then, school will be starting soon.

Dislikes the jittery and edgy feeling on the journey back home when I found out I lost my phone.
Dislikes it when I am exhausted and I can't sleep.
Dislikes it when the effects of insomia piles up for days and yet, I still can't sleep.
Dislikes it when my sore throat still hurts when I swallow [Less painful now though]
Dislikes it when I can't find the energy [thanks to my insomia] to do what I need to do.
Dislikes it when there are so many uncertainites in my job, like how the pay is going to be paid, whether there will be CPF, how the hours are clocked and how, most of all... I am reluctant to open my mouth to ask. Yeah, it's complicated. Very complicated.

Dislikes it when no one seem to understand.

Dislikes it when everything just seems to spoil my day.
Dislikes it when I am feeling grumpy and nothing I do make my mood better.

Most of all, this was meant to be a happy entry. That would have to wait till next time then.

2010-05-19T22:35:00.000+08:00

Damn....For the past 2 weeks, I have been losing my things. First, my earphones, then my retainers, now my hp pouch. And it was a present from you =( Sighh.... I shall try not to bring any important items with me when I try =(((

The Lost and not yet found(Doubt it will ever be found) items aside, some updates on my life.

I went back to Meridian today, with biz club peeps and our seniors. =) Nothing much changed...The only difference was Perkcafe painted orange and being air conditioned now =D Hoho... Oh yes, the pool table "shrink" =p It's been 2 and a half years since I went back to Meridian JC. Feels like just yesterday where I was studying there, stuck with classmates I can't change(sadly =( ). But yes, I graduated.

I used to look forward to university so much, because unlike during Junior College, I can move around. I don't have different timetables with my friends. I don't have to attend the same class as those people. Heh... They used to say, you can never forget the way people made you feel. It's true. I shall stop here, before I fill this entry with my grouses and despise for the very people (males in particular) who made my life hell before. =p Not that bad to them for sure, since they had been enjoying it. Bonded them together you know?

Anyways, I caught up with biz club peeps and teachers today. =D Mr David Cia, Mr Daniel Nah, Ms Huda, Mr Ng Kar Kit are still working in MJC. =D Mr Cia is as observant as ever. Mr Nah and Mr Kar Kit are still... busy =p As for Ms Huda, she just gave birth to her first child =D To think that previously, we were guessing whether she was pregnant or she well, grew a little chubbier. =p Didn't dare to ask. She still remembers Gabriel, as the polite boy who always greet her in class. =p

Watched How to Train your Dragon =D The dragons are sooo cute =p=p I also want one =p Can one dragon fly to me? =p=p Or can I buy one? =p Pretty please? =p

Shall pack for oweek camp tmr =D Write up my CV and read the games description =D

2010-05-16T00:56:00.001+08:00

I think it's true... life always has a way of making you eat your own words... =)

But because of that, I am much happier now =) or both of us are... All the misunderstandings are cleared up =) funny how both of us used the exact same words that we thought would have one meaning, but when we were the recipients of the phrase, we would think of another meaning. =p

After weeks of not touching the paper, something interesting in newspaper column in today caught my eye today - Honesty is overrated and Going the distance as a 'try-athlete'. I love the way the words are being phrased, and the way the writer bring across his/her points. They are good enough that I went through the trouble of finding the article online =)

http://www.todayonline.com/Columns/Maladjusted/EDC100515-0000059/Honesty-is-overrated
http://www.todayonline.com/Columns/Inreallife/EDC100515-0000058/Going-the-distance-as-a-try-athlete

To quote the first article, "I've never been a believer in brutal honesty. It's just so terribly inconvenient." Ain't it true? If everyone were plain honesty, depending on the tone of the voice and how close the person is to you, it could very well come off as being rude and inconsiderate. It may even be considered a form of disrespect when you tell the truth in front of everyone, because you are not "giving face" to the recipient. Like the author said, "Let's face it - if you told the truth all the time, you'd have no friends to be honest to.." That I agree. It sounds an awful lot like public ranting to me, written in a humorous and witty way, in a way that make me nod my head =)

I shall add his conclusion to entice you to click on the link and read his article, because I think it is worth a read =) Do comment on the tag board or on this entry if you do read the link and have thoughts to share. =)
"Besides, honesty is overrated. Sure, George Washington might not have been able to tell a lie as a child, but then the dude grew up and became a politician.

And that is how the cherry tree crumbles."

As for the second article, I think I belong to the second group of try-athlete, instead of a triathlete. That I confess. =p Like the writer commented "The latter are the ones who swim, cycle and run, separately, and for whom just getting out the door to do any one of these is a real test of their endurance and ability." That I agree. But for me, just about going out now is a real test of my perseverance. Because, well, I am a couch potato. =p Well, I am really lazy when it comes to going out, but date me out anyways =p

The past week has been really busy, with me rarely home and out doing work, riding on an emotional coaster, but the coaster is parked and closed down now. =) yep... =) For now, I am going to sleep... It will be a good night tonight... =) Especially since my flu recovered. =D

Hello dreamy...

2010-05-12T00:38:00.002+08:00

One of the longest trips home. Boarded the train at around 10pm at Clementi today. The kind of trips where you are tired but you can't seem to sleep. Silly me. I was hoping and waiting for a call which I know wouldn't come, but I waited anyways. It didn't come in the end....

Sigh... A long and mentally, and emotionally tiring day. Towards the end of the day, I realised something I thought(and expected) would happen probably wouldn't happen. Silly me ehh? Never taking the odds into account and yet I continue hoping.

So many things went wrong today. I thought it would be smooth sailing but I was wrong. Ignorant ignorant me. Naive naive me...

Yep, feeling really depressed today, probably steming from the many "screw ups" which were solved in the end, to dissapointment(a major chunk of it), to waiting for my chui phone(yeah, Omnia sucks. Super slow and laggy, screw what I raved about it previously) to retrieve a message, to getting greeted by a dressing down from reaching home late.

Dear dreamy, since I have no one to rant my day's complain to, will you lend me your ear?

Hopefully, I will be excited enough to try out the printer tomorrow, the big day! Everything is linked up now. Hopefully, (crossing my fingers and toes), with luck, no troubleshooting is needed.

Govind: I haven't baked yet =p=p Hehe...

2010-05-11T08:58:00.003+08:00

Omg omg, I am so, so excited. =D So many good news along the way when doing this project... Hehe =3

^^ Thou shall not complain anymore =3

2010-05-10T23:43:00.003+08:00

Under Promise, Over Deliver... =)

Key phrase of the day! Heh... Our project is way way ahead of dateline. 3 months ahead. Yays! \(^o^)/

We can probably get that machine moving tomorrow, thanks to my partner goal oriented and self-disciplined nature. He is really motivated. =D And yep, I said it. Received constructive feedback and a warning though. But I think we sorted out our differences overall =).

Throughout the entire process, which wasn't very long, I learnt alot. From what to look out for when buying wires, to soldering wires, from the different connectors to the different pins, from "saving money" by "hacking" an old computer power source to actually buying one and learning how to wire a 3 pin plug, the usage of different tools when it comes to connecting different things. Lessons I would have never bothered to find out. =D

Did you know that there is such thing as a glue gun? =D

Other than the technical terms, there were also the leadership quality and maturity I learnt from my partner. Lots of lessons well learnt =) though some of the things he said made me think twice.

Going home late was a little creepy though, but I met Xing Quan and Bing Ren on the way back. =D

Some pictures from my project...XD

The clueless me at the start of the project with no idea where to start...

The old PC supply I tried to hack. It stills works and it provides 12V, 5V, 3.3V and 0V =D

The little robot that is part of the parts of the project =)

My first soldering experience =DD

Looking good there eh, wires? ^^

Old power Supply which was replaced by this later. Plus, the wiring of the 3 pin plug =D

And that's all folks... =D Time to do my CV to prepare for the next chapter of the holidays! =D

2010-05-10T01:30:00.001+08:00

The week ahead will be long... =(

Will I be able to give 102% for the next 3 days? I hope so. Otherwise, I would feel unfit to reap the rewards at the end of the project. No sense of satisfaction either. Tomorrow, I am taking a gamble. I am in no position to bargain, but I am going to try. It's the least I can expect from the other party. I hope I can casually pass on my "expectation" as a partner. And that it won't sully our relationship either.

I spent 2 days of my weekend, slacking at home, reading manga, doing the most wonderful thing in life, sleeping. =D I think it's one of the best thing in life, where you enjoy time alone, by yourself. In our dreams, the orderly law of reality and physics are not as binding and we can sometimes have the most absurd dreams. But this absurdity would end, upon waking up, for better or worse (say if you had a nightmare). It's also another way to pass time. I think it's wonderful, being able to wake up and not worry about the time =)

But just like that, I expended my weekends with manga and sleeping. At the rate I am spending my days, I will probably come to regret it in the future. I know that I should start mapping out my holidays, start looking for a job(yep, I changed my mind) etc... but, since thursday, I haven't found the motivation to start working. And now is probably one of the crucial time in my life. Not many see it but what we make of during our holidays are important. So important before we graduate and get caught in the rat race.

Time is ticking... =(

I think it is undeniable that motivation is really important. It can jump-start a project and give you courage to step out of your comfort zone. Perseverance is the second key to continuing the project at hand.

Everyone has an ideal self that they try to be and I am probably failing in that aspect. I haven't quite reached one particular characteristics of that ideal self but I am going to try.
Before I end this entry, I am going to leave 2 quotes here that I think is really meaningful to me =)

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Thomas A. Edison

Wishes are for the weak, prayers are for the lost and hopes are for the misguided
From a friend on facebook =p

Come back soon with lots of stories kay? =) 2 more days before you are back from Malaysia ^^

2010-05-05T08:23:00.000+08:00

hehe... knocked out early at 9pm last night... Feeling really rejuvenated ^^ After sleeping like a log from 9pm till nearly 4am =D Hopefully, this burst of energy will last me through the day =D

watched full metal early in the morning too =D

Oh, it's the holidays? O.o

2010-05-04T18:53:00.000+08:00

Yay! I finally reached home, sweating like a pig (sounds familar? =p), but early =)

I think it will be more effective if I read up alone at home....so I can nap whenever I feel like it. ^^ Ahahahx...I really do want to go out, with Sy En, with Cherish, Phoebe, Hui Li and peeps, with you =), with yan and chong alone, with the EE gang, with Fadz and Wenhui, with Clarence... with with...everyone....

It's the holidays since last fridays, but I don't feel like it's the holidays. Since Monday, I have been waking up at 6am just to go to school with my sisters. I'm not complaining, but I feel inefficient, and especially ignorant. There's a familar sense of frustration and helplessness associated with this ignorance, threatening to explode within me. But well, it is still controllable.

As for my previous entry earlier this afternoon, well, let's just say that I expected it. More like, why didn't I just sit down and analyse, by myself? I guess, perhaps, I wanted to escape from whatever I am currently involved in, and really, give myself some time just to hang out, with friends...

Today, I lugged home more than 6kgs worth of notes, for modules taken in year 2. 6kg(yep, I went to weigh it) in a plastic bag on 1 hand, and a few more files stuff away in my Purple Bag. I suspect my purple bag will become as flakey and crumpled as my white bag soon. =p Rawr! It's soooo scary, the amount of things we WILL have to study in year 2, but I am not gonna touch the notes yet. That's for next semester to worry about. Eeeeyeew, the notes are kind of disgusting now that I think about it, and I expect myself to struggle even more to stay afloat next semester.

It was mere coincidence as to how I got the notes, but the senior who gave me that notes was really cool. An American Chinese. Hahahx...I think his command of english might even be better than me. =) Found out more about the course (Electrical Engineering) I subscibed myself in when I entered NUS.

Oh well, I haven't even planned out my holidays yet, but after 12th May(And perhaps some days of "overtime"), let's go out shall we? =)

2010-05-04T13:53:00.001+08:00

I should have known... Sighh....

It's the holidays! =D

2010-05-02T11:52:00.001+08:00

Guessed how I spent yesterday? =D

Sleeping! Yes, doing my favourite pastime as well as catching up on my sleep debt. Laying under the bed covers, silently staring at the ceiling without worrying about time. =) I slept nearly the entire day yesterday due to my headache. And whatever time I was awake, I spent it manga-ing.... =D Hehehe.... I'm still nursing this headache though. Maybe I slept too much? =p

But gahh....I know I have been procrastinating doing the things I need to do. Yeah, it's the holidays but life goes on...And I'm going back to school for this project I took up on Monday. =( Mann...I wonder if it's worth it... *Feels like escaping* I haven't even downloaded the software for it nor has my knowledge about it increased. T.T like how you analsyed for me, I think perhaps, this project is doomed to fail... Yet, this project will probably take up most of my time till 12th May...

I rather that we spend more time together though...since semester 3 will be more hectic than this semester. =p hehe...

As for work, I haven't even sent out my resume. Perhaps, working in IRAS or a bank would be fine...See how things goes I guess. I wanna start on tuition, for the money. But I think my procrastination will probably win and in the end, I wouldn't work. And someone will win the bet over who earns more ehh? =p

Rawr....Okays, I am just ranting... =D Just really glad that this much needed break is here...So back to manga-ing and starting to read up on that project. =X

2010-04-30T18:26:00.000+08:00

"Please note that this is an open book exam."

When the lecturer said that we were all O.o until she continued on...

"I mean a closed book exam. Hahahx. Open book? You wish arhhz..."

Lol. Nice.

Yay, no more papers le =D Hip Hip Hurray. =D Time to plan for the holidays =D My 3 months break.

Enjoyed herself today =)

2010-04-30T00:03:00.001+08:00

Looking forward to tomorrow =) hoho...

Maybe I should learn how to talk too. And try something like that. =.= we shall see, whether it works or not.

2010-04-29T22:11:00.001+08:00

One more paper to go =D And it's holidays. Yay! \(^o^)/

I think I won't be sleeping tonight though. Haven't touched that module yet. GG... AHhahaha...=p

2010-04-28T22:00:00.003+08:00

Mood: Frustrated

Till exams are over.. =D

I should really stop thinking. When I unconsiciously read your actions, I keep doubting.

2010-04-28T00:30:00.002+08:00

Geraldine feels really happy tonight, despite CS paper killing me today =)

Looking forward to friday, my last paper. =D

2010-04-27T18:13:00.000+08:00

Dear lecturers,

Don't you usually love to screw with our minds during exams and test? Why the change this time round? You should try to kill everyone with the paper you set then my prayers to the bell curve god will be answered. Well, I guess you are leaving the dirty job to the bell curve god this time round eh? =(

Yours Sincerly,
Requiem

...when you come out of the paper with everyone exclaiming how easy the paper was and you don't like it.

-I think, a promise is hardest to keep when it is made to yourself.

2010-04-26T22:54:00.000+08:00

Yay! MLE is over. OVER! XD Much much more relaxed after MLE. And physics paper was a killer. But this means that everyone( I hope =p) dies together. Hahahx. So I shall pray to the bell curve god =D Towards the end of Physics paper, I surprised myself by trying to test my own skills of crapping using logic. And they still don't make sense to me. =p

Hahhaahx... Survived 2 papers with barely 2 hours of sleep due to insomia. See what MLE and Physics does to me? =X Glad and hope that I don't have to take it next semester. I don't want to go bald like the lecturer =p

Gonna bath and take a nap. 2 down and 3 more to go =D

2010-04-25T02:08:00.001+08:00

I am ~~starting to think~~ thought that all the horrible annealing, engineering stress, engineering strain, difference between true stress and true strain (like wth is the difference??! The lecturer said no need to memorise the formula, but that is the only thing he gave us) and all the previous chapter information won't go inside my head. How how? =(( Sooo unprepared.

2010-04-22T13:06:00.003+08:00

And so I managed to get my lazy ass to Loyang point to buy these.

My happiness aka exam package =D

They made me happier just by looking at them already.. All the chocolates =3

Should have bought them earlier... Ahahahhaax... =) HEHEHEHEH.... XD Shall gorge myself later =D

*Hugs myself for buying tibits to pamper myself XD*

2010-04-21T00:01:00.001+08:00

Screw you. I wonder how you guys choose with such trival questions during the interview man.

There goes my holiday plans. I wouldn't even bother signing up for such a trip if I could go overseas with my friends. That's an if. =X Damn...

Extremely inefficient today. And for the past few days. Sucks. Feels like I haven't completed anything and finals are looming. in a few days. =XX

And I can only stay up till 2am =(( My brain is only awake till then...Sigh... I am so gonna flunk my finals. =((

Depressed. I need chocolates =X

Junction...

2010-04-18T00:39:00.003+08:00

Tell me, which would you choose?

Going for an operation to remove a tiny portion of your liver to stop the cancer cells from spreading and going for chemotherapy to compeletey remove the cancer cells. Needless to say, this would require a substantial amount of will power to pull though, which may or may not suceed.

Or, enjoy the last 6 to 12 months of your life without going through the operation, or so the specialist says. But the cancer cells would no doubt give your body a difficult time, especially during the last moments in your life. So the quality of life you can spend is debatable too.

When faced with such odds and being told to choose, within 3 days, it's like being given the death sentence. Time is ticking away. A surgery like that would no doubt be painful. And chemo therapy after that. =S If you decided to go for the operation, it will take place within a week or 2 latest.

Surely I would encourage the first option, of going for the operation, because it brings hope and the possibility that you will live longer, if you survive that is. But when you think about it in the shoes of the person who's ~~told~~ forced to digest such a news, would you still think that way? I think I will probably steer clear from surgery because it is painful. Even thinking about going under the knife gives me shivers.

But at the end of the day, you are the one going under the knife, going through the pain. You are the one who has to steel your mind to want to live on, instead of giving up and wait for death. Trust medical technology I told you. And yet, just now, I wanted to take you away from the pressure, of deciding at that moment. You agreed to go through with the operation, but it was so obvious that you were reluctant, hesistant and worried. You are stubborn. Guess it runs in the family huh?

Steel your mind to go through it. Because it's a battle between your will and death's on the operating table. Dancing on the tight rope...

At the same time, the past weeks events had me thinking. A lot actually. =X Maybe, along the way, I lost part of myself and become a more pessimistic person on the whole..

2010-04-15T18:31:00.000+08:00

Gosh, I think my previous entries were all so emo... eeeyewww....Hahax... For once, I shall post something happy. \(^o^)/

Yep, Geraldine is really happy today, don't ask why. ^^ like for once in a long while. =) I think I will have lots of stories to hear from my besties after the exams. in 2 weeks time. Something to look forward too =p So make sure you guys tell me everything alrights? and I mean everything. =p hoho...=p

Let's meet up soon, after the exams... =p

Wanna know when the library is filled to the max? When it's 2 weeks before the exam. Come to NUS library and you will see people mugging furiously, trying to cramp all the knowledge into their head. Me included. No FMA brotherhood. For now.=p

Meanwhile, it's time to start mugging and practicing, smart. =S Shall I stay over in school? =X It's kind of dangerous to go back near midnight everyday. =S Yet, it will be troublesome studying in school. The dilemma....

2010-04-10T23:00:00.004+08:00

Milo, my cheap substitute for chocolates XD

And I thought this was well written... A fanfic my sister found somewhere on this vast internet. So I don't know who the author is. Nevertheless, it's worth a read if you have time =)

------^o^------

Can't I Come With You?

"Why are you going out again? Can't I come with you? I don't want you to go. I want you to stay here with me."

Words of love from an eight-year-old.

I remember how she used to say such things when I'd leave for a span; used to beg to tag along wherever I'd go.

"I'll be good. I won't get into trouble. I promise."

Sometimes her demands would annoy me. Why couldn't she stay with Jaken for a while? I wasn't going anywhere pleasant to do anything fun. Alone, I could finish my tasks more quickly and return sooner, and then see to her.

I tried reasoning, explaining. "But I want to be with you," she insisted.

So she came. Everywhere. To the mountains, through the forests, past the villages, to the capital. Anywhere I went, there she was, right by my side.

Most times I didn't mind, but there were days I ached for moments alone. Sitting quietly to catch a lark's tune, I would strain my ears and a little voice would interrupt.

"Why are you so quiet, m'lord? Why are your ears twitching? Did I tell you about what happened yesterday?"

It was my attention she wanted. My opinion and presence she craved. I was the audience she played to day after day. I became accustomed to her stories, her interruptions. Her fresh observations enriched me. "Since Tenseiga's a life sword, can I get a pet out of this rock? If rain makes things grow, why is Master Jaken so short?"

As she grew older, her questions became less entertaining, more irritating. The early teenage years were accompanied by a litany of demands and complaints. "Why do I have to be home so early? You get to go out late. Don't you trust me?"

Then, most of all, I wished she would be quiet, find something else to do, someone else to listen to her. Why did even the simplest matters have to turn into altercations? Couldn't she just ever leave me alone?

Now, too often, she does.

"How was your day?" I'll inquire of my seventeen-year-old when she returns. "Where did you go? What did you do?"

"I went to a village, met some people. It was no big deal, m'lord. Just hanging out."

Just hanging out. This isn't fair. I want detail. I want texture. I want to know what she does twelve hours a day. I want to hear about her friends, listen to her stories.

"How was your trip, my lord? What did you see? Did you have fun?" she used to ask only a few yeas ago. "What did you do at night? Did you go out? Did you miss me?" The endless questions always answered, always explained.

"Are you going out again tonight?" I find myself saying. Why didn't someone tell me this was going to happen? Everything is reversed. Now I'm the one tagging along, suppressing an "I'll miss you," and wondering, "When are you coming home?"

On some mornings I'll pass her and see she's listening to a lark's song. I know better than to talk. She doesn't want to hear what I have to say. And I understand.

Though underneath that understanding, there's this feeling, this growing awakening: This is how she felt nearly a decade ago. Afraid that something – some song, some activity, some person – would come and take me away from her. He shouldn't like that song more than he likes me, a child thinks. He shouldn't be able to have fun without me. So the child complains and the child imposes. Here I am. Look at me.

Here I am. Look at me, this adult wants to say; but of course I don't. I simply understand a little better why she used to sulk when I was someplace she couldn't be. Finally, after all this time, I am beginning to grasp why children cry when they are left behind.

------^o^------

So, what do you think? =) Isn't it just so fabulously written? =) Or maybe because it strikes a cord with what I want to put across, but couldn't find the right words and time.

And you are right. We all know what we have to do, and that we want to indulge in hesitation sometimes. Self pity. Hah. That has a very bad connotation to it but I like it. It kicks me out of my small little world to the reality that we live in. We all have issues in our live and it's inevitable that we you no longer talk to me.

Oppx, that sounds so depressing, although it wasn't meant to sound depressing. It just goes to show how much you all mean to me =p heh.

2 more weeks to finals and 3 more to liberation day =) Though I am all jittery inside for finals(because I feel soo unprepared), but the end is near =)

2010-04-07T23:36:00.000+08:00

Interesting night. On my way home, I met 2 Meridian Junior college school mates, one of whom is from SRJC. Chatted all the way home. It was interesting to hear my friend's story about being a medic and how he hasn't given up on his ambition. I see perseverance in his eyes. =)

It was then that I realized that we all moved on. changed, for better or worse. But everyone leads a different lives now. Guess I should move on too. Resistance is too high from the other party. =p Too much power is dissipated as heat, sadly.

Still, I should stop mulling over it. shouldn't use this as an excuse and slack. Concentrate Geraldine.

2010-04-06T23:55:00.000+08:00

I wish I don't need sleep.

Lack of confidence ~~lately~~ since the start of semester. why? =(

Deep down, I know the answer. But it's a cycle. Can anyone bring a smile to my face?

3 more weeks to finals...

2010-04-06T00:04:00.000+08:00

3 more weeks to finals. Yet I feel so unprepared.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7PYiP8DqFo

Love the lyrics =D Got the video from Faith =D

Homemade Kazoku: Nagareboshi

When I look up at the sky

The stars, see, are sparkling

Each giving off it's own light

Like the people on this planet

Yeah, so I, too

Want to shine particularly bright

I close my eyes and make a vow in my heart

And entrust my dreams to that shooting star

I'm in my usual park

I can see the night scenery

On the slide

That's been my special seat for years

Whenever I'm worried about something, I come here

Just like then, I'm on my way to my dreams

But unable to fulfil them

"Maybe this is the end of the line"

There are days when I say weak things like that

But every time, I remember

That starry sky where I looked for a shooting star

The wish I made when I was little

Hasn't changed even now

When I look up at the sky

The stars, see, are sparkling

Each giving off it's own light

Like the people on this planet

Yeah, so I, too

Want to shine particularly bright

I close my eyes and make a vow in my heart

And entrust my dreams to that shooting star

Hiding out in the schoolyard at night with my mates

We climbed the wire netting

The field seemed to have a different face than during the day

We headed for our sea called the pool

We didn't have swimming trunks, so we were all stark naked

Someone jumped in with a strange yell

The splash echoed through the night

"After him!" Everyone else piled in

We floated gently, looking up at the sky

Looked at the stars in front of us, and talked about heaps of dreams

And looked for that shooting star

When I look up at the sky

The stars, see, are sparkling

Each giving off it's own light

Like the people on this planet

Yeah, so I, too

Want to shine particularly bright

I close my eyes and make a vow in my heart

And entrust my dreams to that shooting star

Looking up at the sky, there are countless stars

The same number now that there was years ago

My dreams are endless and crazy

Incredibly bright, like that star

Hey! If you keep hanging your head like that

You won't even be able to see the things you can see

Look up at the sky, keep your head up!!

Hey! What do you think of the sky you see?

Someday, like that shining star

I wanna shine

When I look up at the sky

The stars, see, are sparkling

Each giving off it's own light

Like the people on this planet

Yeah, so I, too

Want to shine particularly bright

I close my eyes and make a vow in my heart

And entrust my dreams to that shooting star

Emotions are troublesome... Ahhh..so distracting... The urge to watch FMA Brotherhood. =p It's awesome XD Even better than the first season. and the first season was so awesome already ^_^

Nooo.... cannot watch >.< and I am sooo unprepared for finals. Uncertainity. Insecurity of the brothers. Hahax. Well depicted. =D The way the author brings out that scene. And Roy Mustang is sooo cool. He plays it the smart way XD

2010-03-30T00:37:00.000+08:00

Ouch...

Finally managed to push myself to put on my good old retainers. I haven't had them on for months. Have been procrastinating long enough. Realised how much my teeth are beginning to shift the moment I put on my retainers.

Either the retainers break first or my teeth start to shrink.

The retainers don't seem to fit anymore. And that's bad. =(

I should start forcing myself to put on the retainers more, like with studies and everything else.

Someone come along and motivate me please... =3

Double Post

2010-03-28T18:55:00.002+08:00

An email article I just read: =x Though I think that there might be a hinge of truth in it, but there are still Singaporeans out that who still have the drive to succeed. Not everyone is pampered you know...

Subject: FW: The Expats will Rule S'pore - An Interesting Article

Please take your time to read. This is true and it scary. So better
don't be complacent and wake up !

it's a good read for the younger generation, pass this to your kids,
nieces and nephew

Adam Khoo: The expats will rule Singapore

This is so true.....I hope it is a wake up call to many.

I have a prediction. My prediction is that in a couple of years, the
expatriates (from China, India, US etc...) will rule Singapore. They
will increasingly take on more leadership roles of CEOs, directors, heads of
organizations, award winners etc... If you observe closely, it is
already happening now.

Last year's top PSLE (Primary School Leaving Exam) student is a China
National. Most of the deans list students and first class honours
students in the local universities are foreigners and more and more CEOs, even
that of go vernment link corporations are expats. The top players in our
National teams are expats.

As a Singaporean, I am not complaining. I think that in a meritocratic
society like Singapore, it is only fair that the very best get rewarded,
no matter their race, religion or nationality. Like Lee Kwan Yew said, I
rather have these talented and driven people be on our team contributing
to our nation than against us from their home country.

The question I have been asking is, 'why are the expats beating the crap
out of Singaporeans?'

What I noticed is that these expats have a very important quality that
many Singaporeans (especially the new Y generation lack). It is a quality
that our grandfathers and great-grandfathers (who came from distant lands)
had that turned Singapore from a fishing village to the third richest
country in the world(according to GDP per capita). Unfortunately, I fear this
quality is soon disappearing from the new generation of Singaporeans.

This quality is the HUNGER FOR SUCCESS and the FIGHTING SPIRiT!!!

Expats who come here today have the same tremendous HUNGER for success
that our grandfathers had. They are willing to sacrifice, work hard and pay
the price to succeed. They also believe that no one owes them a living and
they have to work hard for themselves. They also bring with them the humility
and willingness to learn.

Take the case of Qui Biqing, the girl from Qifa Primary school who
topped the whole of Singapore in last year's PSLE with a score of 290. When she
came to Singapore 3 years ago from China, she could hardly speak a word
of English and didn't even understand what a thermometer was. Although she
was 10 years old, MOE recommended she start at Primary 2 because of her lack
of English proficiency. After appealing, she managed to start in Primary 3.
While most Singaporeans have a head start of learning English at
pre-school at the age of 3-4 years old, she only started at age 10.
Despite this handicapped, she had the drive to read continuously and practice
her speaking and writing skills, eventually scoring an A-star in English!

This hunger and drive can also be seen in the workforce. I hate to say
this but in a way, I sometimes think expats create more value than locals.

Expats are willing to work long hours, go the extra mile, are fiercely
loyal to you and don't complain so much. They also come a lot more
qualified and do not ask the moon for the remuneration. Recently, I
placed an ad for a marketing executive. Out of 100+ resumes, more than 60% came
from expats.
While locals fresh grads are asking for $2,500+ per month, I have expats
with masters degrees from good universities willing to get less than
$2,000! They know that if they can come in and learn and work hard, they
will eventually climb up and earn alot more. They are willing to invest
in themselves, pay the price for future rewards. Sometimes I wonder how
some of the locals are going to compete with.

Of course, this is just a generalization. There ARE definitely some
Singaporeans who create lots of value and show fighting spirit.

Unfortunately, I have found that more and more young Singaporeans lack
this hunger for success. Instead, they like to complain, blame circumstances
and wait for others to push them. Some hold on to the attitude that the
world owes them a living. I shake my head when I see local kids nowadays
complain that they don't have the latest handphones, branded clothes and games.
While I acknowledge that the kids of today are much smarter and well
informed than I was at their age (my 4 year old daughter can use my
Macbook computer and my iphone), I find that they lack the resilience and
tenacity they need to survive in the new economy. Some kids nowadays tend to
give up easily once they find that things get tough and demand instant
gratification. When they have to work first to get rewards later, many
tend to lack the patience to follow through.

So, how did this happen? Why is our nation of hardworking, hungry
fighters slowly becoming a nation of complaining softies? I think the problem is
that life in Singapore has been too good and comfortable. Kids today
have never seen hunger, poverty, war and disasters. What makes it worse is
that parents nowadays give kids everything they want and over protect them
from hardship and failure. Parents often ask me why their kids lack the
motivation to study and excel. My answer to them is because they already
have everything! Giving someone everything they want is the best way to
kill their motivation.
What reason is there for them to fight to become the best when they are
already given the best from their parents without having to earn it?

It reminds me of the cartoon movie MADAGASCAR where Alex the Lion and
his animal friends were born and raised in the Central Park Zoo. They were
well taken care of and provided with processed food and an artificial
jungle.When they escaped to Africa, they found that they could barely
survive in the wild with the other animals because they had lost their
instincts to fight and hunt for food.They could only dance and sing.

I see the same thing in the hundreds of seminars and training programmes
I conduct. I see increasing more and more expats attending my Wealth
Academy and Patterns of Excellence programme in Singapore. Not surprisingly,
they are always the first to grab the microphone to answer and ask
questions.

While many of the locals come in late and sit at the back. The expats
(especially those from India and China) always sit at the front, take
notes ferociously and stay back way after the programme is over to ask
questions.I feel ashamed sometimes when I ask for volunteers to ask
questions, and the Singaporeans keep quiet, while the foreigners fight
for the opportunity.

For my "I Am Gifted!' programme for students, I have the privilege to
travel & conduct it in seven countries (Singapore, Indonesia, Hong Kong,
China, Malaysia etc...) and see students from all over. Is there a big
difference in their attitude and behaviour?

You bet!

Again, I feel really sad that in Singapore, most students who come are
usually forced by their parents to come and improve themselves, Some
parents even bribe them with computer games and new handphones to
attend.

During the course, some adopt the 'I know everything' attitude and lack
the interest to succeed until I kick their butts. It is so different when I
go to Malaysia, Indonesia and once in India. The kids there ask their
parents to send them to my programme They clap and cheer enthusiastically when
the teachers enter
the room and participate so willingly when lessons are on. I still scratch
my head and wonder what happened to my fellow Singaporeans to this day.

So mark my words, unless the new generation of Singaporeans wake up and
get out of their happy over protected bubble and start fighting for their
future, the expats (like our great grandfathers) will soon be the rulers
of the country.

At the rate at which talented and hungry expats are climbing up, our
future prime minister may be an Indian or China PR or may even be an Ang Moh!

New Phone!

2010-03-28T13:27:00.002+08:00

Yay! I finally managed to setup my phone even though I spent the whole morning. Feel so proud of myself *big, wide and smug smile =D* My first time owning a touch phone screen. =p Yeah, took me long enough to change my phone and get use to a touch screen, but I like what I see now =D

No more keypad problems =) and there is wifi, GPS(using satellite so I don't need to pay), 8Gb + 1Gb external memory etc etc. Haha. And no, it's NOT a iphone =p It's Samsung Omnia 2 =D I think that iphone is overpriced and not really worth it. The battery life dies so fast. Ahahhaa. And don't try to spark off a debate with me on whether iphone(yes, I intentionally made the words smaller. Muhahaha. =p) or Samsung Omnia 2 is better. You know why? because... in this blog, I am the queen, king, emperor, empress, an all in 1 moderator. So what I say goes. Muhahhaa. Just felt like being a dictator for once. Hoho. =p

I shall activate my GPS system on my phone, add in yahoo mail to my outbox, and download games soon. All in due time. Hoho =p

And phone aside, why haven't the interviewer sent me a mail yet to inform me of the outcome of the Taiwan trip??! Come on, make my day even more. So that my grin would be even wider, pretty please? =p

And..... watch the video through the link below. It's really interesting. I never found Physics interesting till the lecturer changed. I just love the way he packaged the Quantum theory topic =) Makes science all the more interesting. Watch the video below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfPeprQ7oGc

And you will agree with me that Quantum is cool. Till today, no ones knows what the electron really did. No wonder there is the theory of passing through walls. =)

And back to studies, before configuring my phone later again =) Busy week ahead of 3 labs, and Practical Exam(no, not the one in science but programming) on sat. Yes Sat. =( They wanna eat up our sat to give us papers. Boo-hoo..

Insanity

2010-03-27T11:29:00.001+08:00

At 2am yesterday, my sister's alarm kept ringing. With a headache pounding hard, I nudge her awake to off and remove her alarm. This whole process continued every 5 minutes, with exchange of not-so-nice-words, until she got irritated, woke up with bloodshot eyes said something and went out to the sofa to sleep. She was obviously tired, but she did not remove the alarm to remind herself to wake up, for she has to reach school at 4am.

Has our society gone crazy with work? Our government is always telling us to improve and upgrade ourselves, like during the 1970s, where there was the restructing of our economy from low-skilled to high-skilled as seen by the doubled increase in wage. This is in line to compete with our neighbours who are catching up with us in the low skilled jobs. We then found another niche, the manufacturing industry if I am not wrong.

Today, our education is aimed at the development of the "whole person", who is a critical, creative thinking life-long learning students. This means that not only do we have to be academically strong, we now have to participate in other non-academic to show our active participation. We even have a system of rating our CCA!

So when my sister has to reach school by 4am for her external cirricular activities, it's normal. The school gates were even opened for them. Because it's one of the elities school in Singapore after all. What's surprising is that no one protested when the unholy timing of 4am was suggested. And she's only secondary 3 in the chu chu train programme (IP).

So tell me, will we be so burried in studies and our external extracirricular activities in the future, that sleeping 2-3 hours is normal? Not like it is absurd to sleep at that time and wake up at 6am now anyways. Will we also end up like Japan in the future, with high suicide rates because we simply cannot cope with the high stress? I don't doubt that the day is far.

2010-03-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

Noooo... I have been hyperventilating more frequently. Guess it's time I googled how to cure it =x

What is Hyperventilation?
Hyperventilation is the state of breathing faster and/or deeper than necessary, resulting in reduced carbon dioxide concentration of the blood below it's normal level.

Because of this reduced level a number of symptoms may arise such as numbness or tingling feeling in the hands, feet and/or lips, dizziness, headache, lightheadedness, chest pain, muscle-aces and sometimes fainting. The symptoms are as varied as they are inconvenient and can lead to all kinds of problems during everyday life.

Causes of Hyperventilation
The most common cause for hyperventilation is stress or anxiety [So true =x I should start clearing my to-do list faster! Someone build me a Priority tree to do it =p], although hyperventilation can also be caused due to various lung diseases, coffee abuse, head injuries or for example a stroke. Another cause could be metabolic acidosis in which the body starts to hyperventilate to reduce the acidity of the blood.

What is Chronic Hyperventilation
If the body is in a state of hyperventilation quite often and for a long period of time, the neural system will get used to the lower levels of carbon dioxide and slowly starts to accept these lower levels as the normal levels to maintain. If that is the case the body is suffering from chronic hyperventilation. The person suffering from chronic hyperventilation will have a constant feeling of discomfort and usually displays a number of symptoms. The symptoms themselves can be quite scary which in turn could trigger to hyperventilate even more than the body was already doing. The actual cause of hyperventilation might already be gone (anxiety/stress etc) however the neural system has adjusted itself to maintain lower levels of carbon dioxide.

----------------------------------------------

So true. And the only way to cure it is therapy. I think I can do that myself. Definitely. =x

----------------------------------------------

Breathing techniques

Breathe through pursed lips, as if you are whistling, or pinch one nostril and breathe through your nose. It is harder to hyperventilate when you breath through your nose or pursed lips because you cannot move as much air.
Slow your breathing to 1 breath every 5 seconds, or slow enough that symptoms gradually go away.
Try belly-breathing, which fills your lungs fully, slows your breathing rate, and helps you relax.
- Place one hand on your belly just below the ribs. Place the other hand on your chest. You can do this while standing, but it may be more comfortable while you are lying on the floor with your knees bent.
- Take a deep breath through your nose. As you inhale, let your belly push your hand out. Keep your chest still.
- As you exhale through pursed lips, feel your hand go down. Use the hand on your belly to help you push all the air out. Take your time exhaling.
- Repeat these steps 3 to 10 times. Take your time with each breath.

Always try measures to control your breathing or belly-breathe first. If these techniques don't work and you don't have other health problems, you might try breathing in and out of a paper bag that covers your nose and mouth.

----------------------------------------------

I guess I will try =x

2010-03-21T20:12:00.001+08:00

Ahahaha. Alrightes, I admit that my blog entries has been really depressing lately. I hope no one gets depressed after reading my blog. =)

On a happier note, I think I am going to Taiwan during the semester break. Alone. Without my family. But You are going with me =) So it's all right. Hahax. I hope both of us pass the interview =p And I hope I make lots of friends =)

And, I think I may want to change to wordpress. It gives greater control over the entries I type =p

Life and its unpredictability...

2010-03-20T23:55:00.003+08:00

I find myself struggling with school work even more, and getting more stress (more pimples too =( ) after getting involved in the project. It just started last week, but I am already lagging behind, thanks to mid terms. Plus, the new technical terms and the extra time I have to devote to learning about the new project and keeping updated is quite time consuming.

Whenever I devote time to the project, part of me remind myself of the numerous things I have to do on my to do list. And how I could have devoted the extra time to my studies. it's not like I am doing things fast enough either. And if I am tired or I don't get enough sleep, I just can't concentrate. Nothing goes in.

Yet, another part of me wants to continue on with the project and see its completion, before building one myself too. And then I can start thinking about the marketing aspects and profiteering (if any) from it. I still see no advantage in going into this project, Yet. It forces me to be more disclipined though.

I guess I will have to try to do work faster, concentrate more, and make do with lesser sleep. I have to.

You are right once again. that I jumped on the bandwagon because right now, my life is mundane. It's all studies and studies. To me, university isn't all about studying. But it's the bare minimum that I have to do. I have to get at least a degree, at least an honours. And I feel stagnated. I want to do something to feel better, to assure myself that at least I am doing something to reach it.

But perhaps, what I am doing right now is slowing myself down even more. How can I start building something if I don't get my basics right? When I haven't made friends with Laplace, Fourier and all the other mathematical equations and thinking process? When I don't understand how the structures, alpha and beta, phase diagrams works? Which material would be best and cost effiecient.

But I still keep to my stand that I want to continue with the project. I guess, I have to work harder to try and juggle both eh? =p I am stubborn after all. =p

And then, there's life and its unpredictability. I trust medical technology. But when it comes to the operating table, it's the doctors realm and god's. Not forgetting luck. With all the complications involved, especially when my grandpa is stopping his high blood medication, I pray that every thing goes well. And that it's not cancerous. Otherwise, it will be painful. Luckily, it was spotted early.

Politics in the office, in the medical world. Thanks to my aunt rushing the doctors and nurses, we got the report early. I can't believe they want us to wait for 6 months for a report to be out. By then, they don't have to do the test, because my grandad's cancer may be in the final stage. And it will be confirmed. What was found to be the initial stage would have become the final stage - curable to incurable. Goodness. Office and it's politics.

Till then, I pray...

I'm starting to dream again...

2010-03-11T01:06:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to dream again...

Talking to like-minded individuals spurs me on, encourages me to pursue my dream once again, and open my mind to more ideas. =) Their motivation and experience remind me that they are a plethora of opportunities out there. All it takes is just hard work, motivation, self-discipline and initiative, like everything else.

We've been socially engineered and constrained by society rules we were born, from the dos and don'ts, social ettiquete, goverened by laws etc. For far too long, we have been trapped in a box of our own mindset, shaped by our parents, friends, relatives and teachers. Perhaps it's time we should feel claustraphobic and break out of the box.

because, time is ticking away.

Before long, we will find ourself 26. It's time to rethink whether we have been or at least started working towards our dreams.

2010-03-09T22:26:00.002+08:00

Weird.

My moodiness was gone after getting a good scolding from my mother.

Perhaps it's the stress, and the alienation I felt that resulted in my moodiness and depression lately.

But after processing what my mother said, it's true. And somehow, miraculously, what listening to music and reading manga can't help, my moodiness just disappeared completely. =) Yay. I don't like being so moody, and being so pessimistic. =X

Thanks to everyone who were so concerned about me =)

Plus, now that I found something really exciting to occupy my time with, and pursue my interest at the same time, I have a feeling that I would have more drive to carry on with studies. =) More motivation. =)

I can't stop anyways, and I would gain more from pushing on. =) Yupx, I concluded that university is a test of perseverance and the ability to continuously motivate yourself =)

Thanks for being my "punching/tickling bag" when I was really pissed and moody, with your permission of course =p

Disillusioned...

2010-03-07T00:49:00.002+08:00

Disillusioned...

I am beginning to lose hope in whatever friendship I have or had. Isn't friendship all about lending a hand to help your friend in need? Yet, when you need some help, all you get in return is silence. getting tao-ed. I dislike that feeling. =X

While I am still being the same me last sem(I think), everyone hasn't been exactly fortright. Have I done anything wrong? Or is it just us getting more distant? And why I wonder. why have we become distant?

why is it that our gang is no longer intact? because we have become more busy? because we have our own separate goals? Is our friendship so brittle? Is it there even one in the first place? I would like to believe that there is.

How long can I try to mend the gap between us, before I get tired of chasing after silhouette of the not-so-distant past last semester? Or am I the only one drifting apart? But I can't do anything if you guys aren't telling me anything. A conversation needs the particiapation of 2 people too. I can't be the only one trying to talk to you. Or maybe I just refuse to believe that I can't do anything to salvage the less exchange we have between us.

It's funny how so much can change after a semester. After 5 months. But then again, change is the only thing that is constant. Before I know it, the scenery I've become so accustomed to fades away, just like the distant star. I still find it difficult to get used to the numerous changes.

On an extremely random note, compelety unrelated to what I have been blogging so far, I am just wondering, so how long would it last? A semester at least? Or maybe that would be stretching it. Unless something changes, it might last longer than expected.

Btw, if you don't understand, it's okay. Because it just means that you are not supposed to understand whatever I am talking about. I am just musing, to keep myself sane and "entertained" perhaps? =p

As quoted from Jansen's blog(since I can't put it across as aptly as him), "i'm tired. but i can't stop. i'm only...halfway through=X" So true indeed.

2010-02-28T10:28:00.000+08:00

Running, running, running...

Died.

Lots of studying to do this week. Midterms are tomorrow and I am still not prepared.

And then next week, it will be a rush to digest all the tutorials and lectures in the midterm and post midterm week.

Anyone wants to switch places? =D

2010-02-24T10:24:00.000+08:00

It feels strange to be happy, satisfied and contented after the bouts of depression that came in waves after semester started. Maybe it's the good laugh I had after watching the Noose yesterday, or the more interaction I had with my family members.

It's been quiet recently, with the lesser group studies we had together. Maybe it's time to organise some. Hahax. Or maybe after the mid-terms, everyone will stay back more =p

Hopefully.

2010-02-22T19:14:00.002+08:00

when you haven't been the smartest all along...

You find that you have no one to turn to when you want to ask questions.

Nvm, there is always the Teaching Assistant(TA) and consultations slots to help.

But I wish, that I am just a little smarter, so that I don't need to approach anyone for help.

Because overtime, I am afraid that my friends would think that I am just making use of them. =X when nope, that's not it.

And now, when I wanna ask questions, I find myself pai seh to ask when it wasn't like that last time. But thanks to those who helped me out! =D

Do more questions and maybe you will see the pattern to answering questions. But when physics and programming isn't intuitive anymore....

Speaking of which, my nose bled 3 times today. Too heaty I guess, from all the tidbits, seafood and new year tidbits I gorged. I don't regret it though =p Hahax. Just hope that I don't fall sick before the mid terms =D

Sighhh... Persevere.

Fairytales do come true after all...

2010-02-21T00:57:00.000+08:00

Yay, I finally finished watching Princess and The frog. \(^o^)/A Disney classic where the characters leave happily ever after. Fairytales may be simplified, but they show children happy endings do exist and fairytales do come true. Wouldn't it be dreary if children of the future grow up in this stressful society being depressing and all? Not that being depressing is bad, it's just that, a little hope would make things all the more brighter and give people the motivation and drive to pursue their dreams. =)

Fairytales aside, my CNY week has been a hectic one. From lunar new year, there was the reunion dinner at grandma's house, to 14th Feb, Chu yi and Valentine's day! Haha. To cut things short, I have been visiting everyday, to other people's house or people visiting my house, except celebrating my youngest sister's birthday on 17th. So it's really hectic, but fun =D

But then, exams and schools are evil. They force you to cut your CNY holiday short and study by putting exams after holidays. They cut you from your friends, family and loved ones. Anyone wants to break this misconception I have? =) group study anyone? =p

Andrew showed me a site for MLE from Cambridge. The way they teach seems way better than some of the lecturers at *cough* my school. Hahax. It's Cambridge after all. NUS teach you the meaning of self study and "referencing", if you get what I mean.

Well, before my nightmare eats up my reality and undergo points defects through substitutional atoms process (okayyy, I am crazy. But more over physics and C++ Programming, oppx, I mean Data Structures and Algorithm. Sounds chim right? =p It's meant to, but it doesn't make me feel any smarter taking that module. =x), I better get back to studying.

2010-02-13T01:14:00.005+08:00

I am starting to wonder... Do happy endings exist?

-Just a step out of the ledge...-

2010-02-04T23:24:00.001+08:00

They say hard work pays off.

It better be true because I am starting to work hard now. No more "what's the use of working hard if at the end, I don't get the results? I might be better off not working hard." Of course, there is the part on working smart too. But, a certain threshold of studying has to take place before you can work smart.

Heh. I met Maurice today, the photographer from Exoro 2 years back. Hahax. =D It was interesting talking to him, about business and all. It's been a long time since I talked to a like minded person with similar interest in programming. =D and what he said was true.

"I may not be good in studies, but I believe that I am good in other things. =D"

Took the words right out of my mouth. Totally. Maybe I should start joining NUS Bingo next sememster actively. Life is getting... depressing. It will keep my mind from thinking about stuff and enter into the nothing box.Speaking of which, I would need a cap of 3.50 to study the syallabus in Stanford if I want to go to Sillician Valley. Oh joy.

So over the weekends, I am going to rush through the assignments, readings and chapters from MLE textbook. And of course, spare some time studying for Nation Building Test next week. I realise that I should divide and conquer. Handling too many things at once is, disruptive. Sit In lab today took a load off my back. I shall worry about it after Chinese New Year. The result, well, at least it's compilable. I am not going to think about results. Whatever the case, I am going to try to get whatever work I have done before Cny. So I get celebrate it and get on with studying that week.

2010-01-29T19:44:00.002+08:00

Remember the module that I was bemoaning about 2 entries ago? I crashed my friend's module last wed. At 10am in the morning. Meaning that I had to wake up like 2 hours earlier. Thankfully, my parents fetched me to school. This week is a crazy week. I wake up real early every morning. As you have guessed, all the sleep debt got carried forward. I just slept 4 hours and it's not enough. =( Looks like I have to get used to this lifestyly.

Anyways, where was I again? Oh yes, SSB2212: the Singapore Legal System: Implications For Business module. Sounds interesting and super useful right? It was kind of boring, I don't see any implications to business yet. I guess that is because the lecturer was teaching about the legal system in singapore, how a law is enacted and when the parliment gets to vote for the law. It was terribly dry. But I guess it would be useful in the future. Nevertheless, I think I would only crash 2 lectures later. After she moves on to the next topic =p On hindsight, comparing both lecturers, my lecturer is much better. So much more interesting. You can see how much interest she has in the topic. But, history is interesting anyways. =D Heh. So would interesting or a useful module be better? Hmmm...

And and, for the past week, I rarely did anything. Couldn't concentrate. =( And this resulted in a HUGE pile of work this week. I am starting to fall back in studies. And it's only the 3rd WEEK!!! =( CSlab next week[means lots of practice], 6+3 SS Readings to do. Have to do at least the last 2 readings for this week. =( Wasn't really paying attention in lect. Oh yes, mastering physics, MLE lect 3, Maths Tut 2... Rawr!

No life.
School work is heavy and it's people you are with that makes life better. BUT, I am drifting apart with really close friends. I finally got that off my chest. =( Why aren't you telling me things/random stuff like last time? =( Aiming for hall next sem. I think I will die horribly. But I wanna enjoy uni life before I graduate and work like a dog. Other than that, I gotta pull up my cap this sem. So, where's my life?

Like Sy En said, re-define life. How true.

As promised, pictures from Zhi Wei's celebrations. =)

The Birthday boy. =)

Female version of Jason. Sexy legs right? =p Super sexy... =D

And so the birthday boy took a picture with Jason.

zhiwei in the limelight, =)

Girl power =p

Cross OGs =)

Bromance. =p The 2 hungry bears. =p

Guys. =)

And that concludes my post. =) Now back to studies.

2010-01-27T23:30:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow will be a better day. So true. =)

Slept off last night worries. On hindsight, it is not that bad afterall =) Well, other than my exceedingly fatigue that I am experiencing right now[I need lots of hours of sleep. =p], I need to do work. But I am feeling real sleepy... Hmm...

Happy belated birthday, Zhi Wei!
Hope you love the eclairs. =p And Zhi Wei scrapbook was great. I love Jenny/Kayden and Rachel's design. Especially our design for Jason. =p Super sexy long legs huh? =p I should post the pic on my blog =p

No clue.

2010-01-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

Aren't I always like that? Saying whatever that cross my mind without actually digesting the implications of what I say.
Life is full of surprises. One moment, you can feel insanely happy so much so that you want to record and keep the memories for life. The next moment, you find yourself deliberating and backspacing/censoring whatever went through your mind. Same goes for unhappy moments. Moments where just ranting is not enough. You have to blog about it. To vent frustrations.

Nowadays, I find that the only person I can turn to is Jansen and Hui Li to rant to. To whine, complain and rant. Why? =(

-Forced Smile-

4 issues happened over the past few days. Too coincidence huh? Too many issues to deal with at once. So is any of it my fault? 1 resolved. =) Thankfully and luckily for all the patience and faith that things will work out the other party had. =) As for the other 3... Man, I have no idea what to do. Would pretending that nothing is wrong solve the problem? Maybe the problem is only looping itself in my head.

And this tires me. Stop and concentrate. Laugh it off. As usual.

My sister may have fractured her ankle during basketball. =( I hope it is not that bad. 2 person[hers and another person] weight on her twisted ankle. Ouch.

Thanks for listening to me, Jansen and Hui Li. =) And thanks for the present Hui Li. I loveee <3 your card =D Hahax, especially the poem you wrote for me =p